[Sleepless23]

Hello April,

So I’ve long loved a co worker/friend of mine for perhaps a couple years now. In short, I have many reasons to believe (at least in my own head) that she has strong feelings for me. However, there are underlying issues that often make me feel as if I’m stumbling. One thing I am always certain of is that she cares an awful lot about me.

Here is the facts:

I’m a 32 year old guy, she is 23 and lives at home.
We’ve always been pretty close. She has told me things she never tells anybody.
I’ve expressed the fact that I adore her in the past. And I know she loves me at the very least as a friend.
She has indirectly expressed age difference being an issue for her.
She has depression and anxiety problems which she takes medication for.
She has had traumatic experiences going back to her youth.
She has abandonment issues.
She doesn’t often say whats on her mind.
She is a very friendly fun loving and respectful person.
We have lots of fun being goofy together.
Many people we work with seem to assume we’re together.
Most people close with me at work (More than just a handful) seem to think she is very smitten with me. But nobody is sure how I can nurture it.
And I’m trying to be extremely patient.

So here is my incomplete take on the situation. When its a good day, her body language seems to be screaming “I love you.” She laughs at all my stupid jokes. She often seeks me out on her break just to say hi or tell me what just happen, what she’s doing later, ect. If I’m in ear shot, her voice often is pitched and raised. When we talk, her posture is open and leaning toward me and her eyes are glowing. Her smile can light up the room. She expresses interest in what I’m saying. She brings me coffee sometimes without asking. She remembers a lot of little things that we’ve spoke about in the past. She gives me random hugs, high fives, rests her head on my shoulder or will hook her arm into mine. We play fight. She sometimes picks things off of my shirt or hair. I’ve noticed she’ll sometimes lick her bottom lip really quickly sometimes when she talks to me. I feel like she will often glance at me from afar and look away if I glance back. She also shows great concern when I don’t seem to be happy for an extended period time.

Here is the thing. She isn’t always consistent. Example: About a year and a half ago, there was a 4 month stretch where we’ve exchanged 3,000+ text messages. Often initiated by her. Now, not so much. She’s usually the first person to tell me, “Hey we’re all going out to the bar Friday, and you’re going!” But other than that, we’ll only text here and there now. She doesn’t post on my facebook much anymore. For a long while, she’d talk about us making plans to do stuff (often her idea) and then cancel. However, lately, seems to be making an extra effort to spend more time with me. Particularly, alone. In fact, she virtually invited herself over to my house to watch a 9 hour long movie that I DVR’ed. The most amazing part about that is that I never imagined her ever stepping foot inside my place. Not for a lack of interest me but because of my room mate. It is another female co worker. Not out of jealousy (we’ have a brother/sister type of relationship) but that her best friend has a well documented feud with one of her best friends. And well, my room mate was never overly fond of my lady friend and I was always pretty sure the feeling was more than mutual. To my surprise, in the last two months they have become very friendly with each other. Even my room mate has expressed her belief that this girl has real feelings for me.

Anyhow, sorry for the novel. Let my try to tie this up. My gut tells me she is attracted to me and has considered the option of dating me. I honestly think she is afraid for a couple reasons. One, I know she does think very highly of me and is afraid of ruining an otherwise great friendship. Two, I don’t think she is entirely comfortable in her own skin and may not feel worthy. And three, I believe she might feel awkward bringing somebody who is almost 10 years older than her home to mom and dad.

Do you have any suggestions for me? Do you think I’m on the right track or am I just being delusional.

Thank you for any advice you can offer me.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Decide what YOU want. If you want to date her, then ask her out on a date! 😀

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