[Hissionere]

Howdy,I am just writing this post, considering that I am troubled for quite a while to get to know gals, I have no idea if this has something to do with me, or maybe it’s simply due to nasty luck.

I’m hanging out around 2-3 times weekly, typically to clubs and pubs, It is been really hard for me, since I’m not really the man that’s recognised for how sociable or outgoing he could be. I felt somewhat uncomfortable not to mention nervous, it’s highly challenging for me (much more) to chat in those kinds of enviroment with all the gals, even thought, I had accomplished it, I have not had very much succes, could you guys give me some hints and tips?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m glad you asked!

If something isn’t working for you, then you should change your pattern of behavior. In other words, if clubs and bars aren’t producing a good “yield” of dates, then change your destinations. Try coffee shops. Or malls. Or volunteer work. Or the gym. The basic goal you should have is to get the conversation going with attractive women. The best way to do this is to relinquish any “lines” that aren’t working and instead, ask a question. “Is that frappucino better than plain old coffee?” Or… “Does this color sweater I want to buy look good on me?” “How do you cook these eggplants? I’ve never known!” These are just some things you can ask women to see if they’ll take the bait. When they do, up your game by complimenting them. “Thank you — you’ve got a great eye!” And keep the conversation going.

I hope that helps. Let me know if you need any more tips.

[Hissionere]

I made a post talking about myself struggling on approaching and how to talk to women, below are some tweaks I’ve made to change this.

So to begin I decided what may be appealing for me to find in a girl, for instance, intellect is an important one I think, which doesn’t mean that when a girl’s not a freaking genius I would get rid of her, I’m simply just trying to focus my self about the sort of woman I’m looking for, whether it’s for just having a great time, as well as for a long term relationship.

For conversation now i’m aiming to begin them by situation, as an illustration a conversation will change in a dance club by comparison of one started in for instance, a library, also I have been trying to make statements rather than relaying on questions, mean I do not want it to resemble it is a job interview or something, and using the opinions received I will push it further, adjust or get back to the subject. Moreover I realized Is possible come and go between conversational topics, because it’s a human talk it does not, and won’t be linear.

I’m on top of that working to improve my body gestures since it is more simple for me personally considering the fact that my speaking methods are certainly not yet still on point. I attempt to get as closest as possible and to get eye contact as much as I’m able to. In Addition, I get social touch on the start, also it can advance sexualy if things goes like they should. Basically pick up on any bad response, I back of a bit and begin once again.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Great! 🙂

[Sally]

You’re not broken at all. Feeling nervous in loud clubs is super normal, especially if you’re not naturally outgoing. A lot of people feel awkward in those spaces but don’t talk about it. Beating yourself up just makes it harder, and honestly, the fact that you’re still putting yourself out there says a lot about you.

The truth is, clubs and pubs are rough places to really connect. They reward loud, fast, super confident energy. If that’s not your natural vibe, you’re kind of setting yourself up to struggle. That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, it just means the environment isn’t doing you any favors.

You might have better luck in places where talking is the whole point. Things like hobby groups, classes, the gym, volunteering, or game nights make it way easier to start conversations without pressure. People expect to chat there.

Also, stop going out with the goal of getting a girl. Focus on having one decent conversation. Ask simple questions, listen, and be present. That alone puts you ahead of most guys.
And honestly, try to relax a bit. Confidence comes from practice, not forcing it. You’re already showing up. Now it’s just about finding the right setting for you.

[Tara]

Your problem isn’t bad luck; it’s bad strategy and misplaced effort. You’re repeatedly throwing yourself into loud, chaotic environments that punish introverted or socially stiff men, then acting surprised when you fail. Clubs and pubs reward confidence, quick wit, and high social energy traits you admit you don’t naturally have so every outing just reinforces your insecurity instead of building skill.

You’re not “unlucky,” you’re stubbornly playing a game that doesn’t suit you and blaming the scoreboard. Stop hunting validation in places designed for extroverts on autopilot. Build social competence in areas where conversation naturally occurs, such as classes, hobbies, and mixed-group activities and work on becoming interesting, grounded, and comfortable, rather than desperate and nervous. Women aren’t rejecting you personally; they’re responding to tension, hesitation, and lack of presence. Fix the inputs, or keep repeating the same failure loop and calling it fate.

[Member]

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