[mcfiedler1]

Hi April. My name is Marlene and I am 54 years old. All my children are grown and I have been single for over 5 years now. I am also a very good looking woman, who looks 5-10 years younger. Long story short, I met a guy online who is 47 and we have been seeing each other for 3-1/2 months now. I usually initiate dates, meeting up, texting, and calling. I have slowed down and now he is stepping up a bit with initiating these things. However, he does not want a commitment, as I do. But, We do have sex everytime we spend time together – always at my apartment. He has a teenage son who lives with him, and I have never been invited to his place.
So, it is now expected that when he comes over to my place, we hang out and end up in bed and he’ll usually spend the night (which is fine by me!). If it is a weekend, he will hang around for coffee and conversation – never leaves quickly. He’s admitted he really likes me and likes “spending time with me” and I REALLY like him and am a sucker for love! I fall hard when I like someone (I’m Virgo he’s Capricorn). The problem is that I still get butterflies and want him to text or call me – I hold back so not to smother him or seem too desperate. I get soooo anxious and play over in my mind about our meeting up. We’ve gone to the movies, the beach, once in the evening we went to the beach and he surprised me with a blanket and a couple of beers. We enjoy our time together. He is not real touchy feely unless we’re in bed or about to have sex. He does like hugs though. I am a super affectionate person and I want this relationship to blossom – I am also an impatient person and stress myself out to not text him or get some type of response out of him. I know he likes me and I know he knows how much I like him. He even stated once that he can’t give me the time and attention he knows I want from him. At what point should I have a specific conversation about an exclusive relationship. I don’t know if he is talking with anyone else or still online “looking”. I WANT a committed relationship, but am so impatient and am not sure how to keep this guy interested enough to “WANT” me in his life. I am a good woman and know how to cater to my man, however, want the same in return. Please help!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re barking up the wrong tree. He’s making his position very clear to you, and you’re ignoring this because you want him to feel and behave differently. Sex doesn’t mean love or a commitment. It just means he was ready and you were willing. Sorry to be so blunt, but I want you to understand the simplicity of this.

Here are some tips for dating in general:

* [b]Don’t be the one who chases the guy.[/b] When you’re doing the initiating, you’re not giving him the opportunity to do so, and you’re not getting a clear read on his feelings. If he treats you like a girlfriend, he wants you to be his girlfriend. If he doesn’t treat you like his girlfriend, he’s not into that kind of commitment with you.

[b]* Use the first three months of dating to decide if you want to continue dating. [/b]If you both do, use the second three months to decide if you want to be monogamous. During those six months, assume he’s playing the field (as he should assume, as well, with you!).

[b]* Do not have “the talk” about the relationship.[/b] Especially not during the first six months! If you feel anxious about having “the talk” about the status of the relationship, it’s because you don’t like what you already know to be true, or you’re so needy for a commitment that you’re jumping the gun to get one. This usually backfires, as guys HATE “the talk”. If he wants a commitment, you’ll know it.

I hope this helps. Let me know if you any other questions. What you’re doing is awesome — and requires work! Date smart, and you’ll be happy. 🙂

[mcfiedler1]

Thanks so much April. Yes, your advice helps quite a bit. I pretty much already knew that I am the one anxious and he is not. I hate the online dating because everyone is talking to more than one person. I am such a monogamous person and it’s hard to know where to meet good men that want what I want (other than a bar/nightclub).
I appreciate you telling me that if he doesn’t treat me like a girlfriend – he doesn’t want me as a “girlfriend”. I am too submissive and giving! UGH how can such a good thing be a bad thing!?
Thanks again! Woe is Me!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome.

Let me know if you have any other questions.

[Member]

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