[maxpower2011]

I met this lovely girl via a dating site, before we met we spoke on the phone at great lengths (2/4 hours) and text each other loads. had so much in common our dreams and desires…
We eventually meet, and everything was peachy. we kissed we drank we kissed walked hand in hand we actually spoke about how it doesn’t feel like we only just met, she invited me back to hers and we talked then fell asleep in each others arms.. morning comes and she had a radiant smile on her face and said that this was just great etc…
well couple of weeks pass seen her a few times, and each time she tells me that she has feelings for me so I thought great finally things are going my way (she told me a lot of things that had gone on ie had to have an abortion for reasons I won’t go into and was surprised how understanding I was) but that being said the one night she says that with everything that had gone on she isn’t at a good place, and couldn’t do with a relationship as its not fair on dragging me down with her.. I thought nothing of this and told her that I was here for the long hall.. she was grateful and again told me about her feelings and that she needed a bit of space. and I respected her wishes.. she questioned why I was apparently distant with her and I re assured her that it was her request that I give her space.. again the feelings where told to me.. next out of the blue she says I see you more as a friend than anything else! that did come as a shock… although, since then she has contacted me, concerned that she’s hurt me and also she does the playful p*** taking out of me… but she seems to slip in the friends comment like if she says it enough times she’d believe it.
Now I really do like this girl and we connect on quite a few levels, I know that there isn’t anyone else in the picture and she has a lot on her plate with her job..But I would like to know am I actauly been put into the Friends zone as its not that clear to me, Iis there a chance/hope for me to get out of the friends zone by the way she chats with me (more than any of her mates) or is that it struck out?

Thanks for reading.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Dating is a wonderful tool to measure her interest. If you ask her out on a date, she accepts, you go and have a great time and become more affectionate as you get to know her, then you’ll be able to measure the fact that things are going well. If she doesn’t accept your dates then she’s less interested in being with you.

It sounds like your role in the relationship has gotten muddled. When you were dating, things were going well, but it sounds like she’s telling you some things that would give anyone pause — like that she needs space and thinks of you more of a friend. Since she said that to you, it sounds like you’ve talked, but that you haven’t dated.

Again, if you she’s willing to give you a chance by accepting real, traditional dates, which are forums for you to try and win her over, you’re still in the game. If she doesn’t, you’ve struck out and it’s time to find someone new to date!

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter. 😀

[maxpower2011]

Today was the first time I’ve seen this girl face to face in nearly 3weeks – We do chat all the time text/fb/call. went to a coffee shop and talked but she could not look at me. That did bother me, it felt like she was disgusted with me/didn’t want to be there with me. well we finished our coffee and went our separate ways.
I then get a text out of the blue from her saying “I like you as a friend and that is all we can be”.
That really did get to me as the whole no eye contact got to me, so the following went on:
[quote]Me: Where that come from? I already know were friends why say that again?
Her: Just that I think you always think there is going to be more and I just don’t want you thinking that I’m leading you on. I see you as a friend.
Me: How you figure that out? I ain’t said or done anything to say other.
Her: The way you look at me a number of things that’s all.
Me: The way I look at you, you were talking so I look at you! A number of things? Like what?
Her: It doesn’t matter just wanted to be sure you understand that we are friends that’s all.
Me: Yeah it does matter cos your over thinking things.
Her: Look it doesn’t matter as long as we both know where we stand. That’s all.
Me: Ya know I don’t actually. Today was so painful. You couldn’t even look me in the eye, like you were scared/disgusted with me. You even acted like you didn’t even want to be there, I know you’re busy but that’s how its appeared.
Her: I’m afraid that if I show emotion you will think that were together or could be.
Me: What a load of crap. You afraid of showing emotion case I get wrong impression? In the past 2 months that’s all you have done, and what’s my response been? Oh yeah the friend that listens talks and makes you feel better everything from what you went through upto what went on with your ex.. so how can you say that?
I accepted the friend thing ages ago, but you seem to keep bringing it up and saying it like to justify it to yourself.
Me: Apologies if that sounded like I’m angry or pissed its not meant to come across like that. You need to realize something and to quote what you said to me, ‘you can’t see what’s in front of you’ meaning here I am the one that’s been a friend to you mo matter what time of day when there was no one else to turn to, and I listened.[/quote]
Later last night I sent ehr message and I asked if she could forgive me about my rant.
she said that she didnt know – Cos I really think that you hope that this “friendship will turn into something more than that”
I rang her and played it cool and said Dont know where you got that Idea from at all
then she mentioned that I caught her out on POF (dating site) – as my mate got chatting to someone and then told me he thought it was her so I asked his Login number and it was!!. then she said you know what it desnt matter we both know where we stand now. just friends” i asked her why should the pof thing bother you its not like we were together n she replied it was a turning point” ????????????????????????
i chatted some more bout being there for her but started to choke up so i said gotta go choking here….. and thats how i left it!
Now have I gone and screwed things up by being like this.
Is there a chance/hope for me to get out of the friends zone or have I gone and blew my chances all together now?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

There is no chance for you to get out of the friend zone. She has made it very clear that she isn’t interested. Why would you want to chase someone who doesn’t really want to be anything more than friends — if that? 😕 Move on and find someone who is girlfriend material. She’s not! 😀

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