[Bomberfan35]

So here’s my issue, there’s this girl I met through work and we hit it off. We have a close group of work friends but her and I started connecting even more on our own. The problem is until this past weekend I was in a relationship and when this other girl and I started talking, she was in a relationship too, however she broke up with her boyfriend a few weeks back and was unhappy in here relationship for a long time coming before I was in the picture. My relationship though, It was one that was on the rocks and we had taken time apart back and forth for months before I started talking to this other girl more, my issues were more financial and path of life driven than anything else. I’m not one to break up with someone for someone else, that’s not my style I thought it was just a friendship with this girl but I keep getting mixed signals, making it tough to gauge the dynamic between us.

we talked often and she would check up on me, even going as far to talk to me during her whole trip to Las Vegas a couple weeks back, I wasn’t sure what to make of that. She tends to call me and invite me out on weekends when she’s out with her friends or looking to go out or meet after the bar, or occasionally it’s been to chat after she’s been drinking. These chats have ranged from just asking about my night and what I’m up to, to a long talk a few weeks back where she gradually came out stating she didn’t want to lose me if my girlfriend at the time didn’t like us talking, and then admitted to having feelings for me, she even went as far to say I was one of the reasons her boyfriend got mad at her because we would talk so much.

However she flipped this two days later when she was confronted by a coworker about it and if there was something between us. And I didn’t think much of it because I was dealing with my own things. However the calls and talks continued, we even went out for drinks one night alone to catch up after her trip, strictly as friends. Everything was the same until this Friday, We went out for drinks and the bar with some friends, at the end of the night I was going to drive her and her friend home, she started bragging about this new job I may get when I broke the news that I may be moving for that new job and didn’t tell her yet because I didn’t know how well she would take it, she didn’t seem to take it very well. Amongst the talk, She was asking if my girlfriend and I were still together and how moving would affect things, she tried talking me out of moving if I got the job by listing every way possible I wouldn’t like the new city.

On Saturday, my girlfriend and I actually did break up and I planned to tell her that day when we planned to discuss me possibly leaving that day but that never happened. she kind of gave me the cold shoulder most of the day and she had a birthday party out planned which ended up being girls only which I was unaware of because the night before her and her friend demanded I be there, but she asked if we could meet up after still. She did ask if we could table the serious stuff for the night too but kept texting that evening as we both went out. It was odd because I went out with our other friends from the night before, they hadn’t heard from her most of the day but brought up questions if something was going on between us based on how she was acting the night before, to which I said I didn’t know how she felt. Anyways, she kept talking to me until at one point I said we may come by later anyways depending on the line, and she went from hot to cold again by saying, “the line is probably short by now but do what you want though” so I didn’t know how to take that either. so my response was,we’re grabbing drinks instead. have fun with the girls. We can meet up after, how’s that sound?. She didn’t answer for the rest of the night. So i headed home afterwards, I ended up just texting her about the break up, and told her I went home to sleep. At this point, she hadn’t even read any messages of mine but did call me twice that night after the bar.. I was asleep so missed them both, so I was very confused seeing the missed calls the next morning.

The next morning, I called her back, she was hungover and sleeping so briefly chatted so we planned to talk later. She ended up sleeping half the day away and spending time with her family for her birthday. We talked last night almost like nothing changed since I dropped that job news on her Friday night, and we spoke about my break up briefly. We brielfy discussed going out for a belated birthday night this week but that ended simply with her just staying it depends on her schedule as its a busy week ahead. So I left it at that, I’m not sure what to do at this point. I value our friendship and yet I want to know where her minds at. i do have some attraction on my end but I’m just out of a relationship and not sure I want to jump into anything but I don’t know where her head is at because to others it seems there is something on her end but she’s very hot and cold at times. Almost as though she is trapped in a she wants to be single but wants a relationship with me (again our mutual friends from the Friday pointed out, her personality changed when I was on my way and got there, she was more flirty and upbeat around me than others), or perhaps I’m that boyfriend stand in for her. Which I’m not ok with and want to tell her that, you can’t have it both ways but I don’t want to jeopardize our friendship over bringing it up.

Should I talk to her about it? I really need some advice or perspective on where her head may be at. There’s just a lot going on I had to give the long version, but I hope to get some help with this.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

This is simple. You can stop giving her mixed signals by simply asking her out on a date. 😉 When you’re clear about what you want from her, you’ll give her the opportunity to be clear back. Let go of the drama, and instead, invite her to have dinner or drinks or go to a movie with you this weekend. Ask her today or tomorrow for Saturday night. Make it a date — one on one, and tell her you’ll pick her up at her house.

When you’re clear, everything around you will be clear, too. 😉

Let me know how it goes, and if you do write again, I’d love to know how old you both are. That always helps.

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