[taylorg88]

I (27 M) have worked with this woman (31 F) for almost a year, I’ve had a small crush on her for about six months, and we’ve always been friendly and flirty. Every time I do,she smiles and always seems pretty happy to see me when I’m at work. In January I was helping her fix her computer for school and she responded with, “What’s your favorite dinner so I can cook it and bring it to work for you?” and I wasn’t planning on it but I told her that I would rather take her out to dinner instead. She didn’t say no but didn’t say yes either. Instead she said that she’s a home body and would rather cook than go out. I thought that was just a nice way of rejecting me and just let it go, while still remaining friendly to her at work.

Well, I got a 2nd job that cuts my hours back at the one where I work with her and missed an entire week a couple weeks back so when I go back to work, as soon as I enter the door she comes up to me and says, “WHERE have you been? I haven’t seen you in a week and I miss you and thought you quit on me.” Once again I didn’t think anything of it because I had asked her out in January only to get turned down (In my mind) but last night I was helping her out with one of her essays for school and she asked me if I was still working at my other job because she wanted me to work more hours with her and then texted me last night, “Good night love bug”.

I decided to ask her out about a month ago and found out that she had a boyfriend but that boyfriend was a long-distance one and they had been friends for 8 years, and he finally got the courage to ask her out and they have been dating for a couple of months but he’s in the Navy and it’s hard for her so she doesn’t like talking about it very often. She went on to tell me how much of a catch I was and how if she wasn’t taken that she would be “Over the moon” about me asking her out.

Then this past weekend, I was training a new worker and he asked her about me and she told him that I was awesome and she wanted to have my babies, 4 to be exact. After I asked her about it she said that it was going to happen. Then I brought in some desserts I made last night and she ate some, said that if I continue this she’ll have to marry me and then later that night texted me saying, “OMG! If I didn’t have a boyfriend you’d be in trouble!!!” And, “I’m a really good person! And I don’t think you know how much you make people’s days just by being you.”

Again, mixed signals, and this is after knowing that I like her. One of my female friends who knows both of us from work gave me a big grin when I talked to her about this and said that she definitely has a huge crush on me and to continue to just be me and she might break up with her boyfriend because Long-distance relationships are so difficult as it is. My question is, what do I do next? Do I continue to flirt with her and hope that she breaks up said boyfriend? Do I just give her space and see what happens?

[AskApril Masini]

I’m not sure what you think is mixed about these signals. To me, it sounds like she likes you and wants you to ask her out on a date. Invite her to dinner and if she says she’s a homebody, tell her that she can cook and you’ll bring champagne or wine — or you’ll bring the takeout and ask her what time on Saturday she wants you to be there. 😉

[taylorg88]

Even though she already has a boyfriend?

[AskApril Masini]

I re-read your post, and I don’t see that she told you about the boyfriend — someone else did. All the signals she is sending you are clear, not mixed. You’re the one who’s got the mixed emotions, not her. 😉

[taylorg88]

There must have been some confusion when I was typing it all out. To clear it up, I asked her out a month ago and she told me that she had a boyfriend who was in the Navy and it was a long-distance relationship and she has been dating him for a couple months. That was followed up by constant flirting and her telling me she wanted to have my babies. I’m just not sure if I should ask her out again or just keep flirting back and forth and hope that she breaks it off with her long-distance boyfriend. She knows that I like her and I even told her if she does break up with said boyfriend that I’ll be there to scoop her up and take her out on a date.

[AskApril Masini]

Got it!

Listen. If she’s only been dating him for a few months, and it’s long-distance, it’s not a sure thing. My advice is to compete for her. Ask her out on a date, and make sure she knows it’s a date, so you don’t get friend zoned. Get to know her and see if she’s someone you want to fight for. 😉

[taylorg88]

Thanks for the advice! I’m going to ask her out, again, tonight and see what happens.

[AskApril Masini]

Sounds good!

[Sally]

She does like you. There’s no doubt about that. The flirting, the pet names, the comments about babies and marriage that’s not accidental. But here’s the part you need to really hear: she also has a boyfriend, and she’s choosing to keep him while enjoying the attention and emotional closeness with you. That’s the line she hasn’t crossed… yet.
Right now, you’re in a safe zone for her.

You make her feel wanted, seen, excited, without her having to make a hard decision. That’s why the signals feel mixed. They’re not mixed in her head. She likes you, but not enough to let go of what she already has.

Waiting around hoping she’ll break up is risky. It puts your life on pause and slowly eats at your self-respect. The healthiest move is to stop flirting and gently pull back. If she truly wants you, she’ll have to choose you clearly. And if she doesn’t, you’ll save yourself months of quiet frustration.
You deserve someone who’s free to pick you without hesitation.

[Tara]

You’re not confused, you’re willfully ignoring the obvious because the attention feels good. She has a boyfriend, and instead of shutting things down like an adult with integrity, she’s using you as an ego boost, a work husband, and a fantasy outlet while keeping her real relationship intact. Those “love bug” texts, baby jokes, marriage comments, and over-the-top compliments aren’t mixed signals; they’re boundary violations dressed up as charm. She’s flirting without accountability because she gets validation from you and stability from him. Convenient for her. Pathetic if you keep playing along.

Stop romanticizing this like it’s some slow-burn movie. If she wanted to be with you, she’d be single already. Long-distance, Navy, eight-year history, none of that matters. People leave relationships they don’t want to be in. She hasn’t. Instead, she’s dangling “if I didn’t have a boyfriend” like bait and watching you circle it. And your female friend telling you to wait it out is giving you feel-good nonsense, not reality. Hoping someone cheats or emotionally upgrades you from backup to boyfriend isn’t a strategy; it’s desperation.

Here’s what you do next: you stop flirting entirely, and you call the situation what it is. Either she ends her relationship and asks you out like a grown woman, or you pull back and keep it professional. No more late-night texts, no innuendo, no emotional support boyfriend role. If she suddenly gets cold, congratulations, you were never the choice, just the distraction. If she steps up, then you decide if you even want someone who treats boundaries like suggestions.

[Member]

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