[aracelees]

Hello, I have been with my bf for the past 2 years and he is not at all romantic and i have to beg him in order to get me flowers or do something that involves romance… We have been talking about getting married since month 2 that we have been together because I felt I had found the person I wanted to marry… last xmas I was talking to him about the fact that I had been waiting and he doesn’t seem to want to get married and he got uspet and threw in my face he was going to propse on xmas and didnt because I ruined the surprise.. He blames me for not being romantic because i ruin surprises or he makes the excuse that he has no money.. I am so fed up of being blamed for everything that makes me unhappy in our relationship.. and at the same time he tells me to wait patiently for all these things we want including marriage.. I don’t think I want to marry him anymore, the want is not there anymore.. and everytime I tell him about him not doing things for me he will tell me I WAS going to buy you this for your bday.. I WAS going to do this.. I WAS going to do that… I am so tired of his empty words and I dont know if I should continue this exhausting relationship if it is not going to go anywhere, especially when he says I am being a brat because I dont get things in the time that I want them. He recently caught me flirting with a guy online which i am not at ALL attracted to, i think i just did it because of the attention I got. I feel bad and he is upset with me but I am more upset that I am unhappy and I talk to him about it only to be blamed and for nothing to change.. please help 😥

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both?

[aracelees]

we are both 28

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Thank you for filling me in on your ages. 🙂

It sounds like you have separate problems going on. He’s not romantic, and that bothers you. That’s the problem you led with, but it sounds like the real problem that caused you to write me is that after two years of dating, at age 28, when you clearly want to get married, he’s throwing up excuses and making you feel like he’s not interested in marrying you at a time when you think he should be closing the deal. Now, because you’re really unhappy about his not proposing marriage, you’re throwing in the kitchen sink — in other words, you’re finding problems to toss at him because he’s not proposing. 🙁

So, let’s look at the big problem first: You want to get married — or at least you did want to get married, and after dating this guy for two years, you’re now saying you don’t. So figure out if you really DO want to marry him, and you’re just saying you don’t because you’re frustrated, or if you truly don’t want to marry him. If its the latter, then you’d be wise to break up, move on, and find someone who’s really interested in marrying. 😉 But if it’s the former, then you have to look at a couple of things. First, is he someone who wants to get married at this time in his life? If he is, then you have to see what you’ve done to push him into this situation — because having “the talk” about the relationship and making him feel pressured to propose, is going to have the opposite effect. 😳 And, frankly, it sounds like that’s what’s happened. Your response to that happening has been to “pick” at him and find fault because you’re angry. So, you’ve decided that after two yeas, NOW, you’re going to complain about his lack of romantic behavior. 😕 And that complaining is pushing him further away. 😕

If what I just wrote resonates for you, then you’re going to have to do some damage control. That means backing off from pushing him, and going back to being that girlfriend you once were when you first started dating — in other words, you have to be a better girlfriend, one who is so enticing and enchanting that he WANTS to be romantic and win him over. You’ve let your anxiety and frustration get the best of you and it’s ruining the dynamic you have with him. You can’t change him, but you CAN change your own behavior, and if you want him, then you have to make some changes. 😉

[b]Check out my new FB Fan Page!! And If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” me — and tell a friend!
[url][/url][/b]

[Member]

Posts