[Alice0987]

[color=#B2B2B2]Are you male or female:[/color]
Female

[color=#B2B2B2]Is the person your question is about male or female:[/color]
Male

[color=#B2B2B2]What is your age:[/color]
26

[color=#B2B2B2]What are the ages of the other people involved:[/color]
27

[color=#B2B2B2]What is your relationship status:[/color]
In Committed Relationship

[color=#B2B2B2]What is the relationship status of the person you are dating:[/color]
In Committed Relationship

[color=#B2B2B2]How long have the two of you been together:[/color]
10 months

I found gifts from his ex girlfriend at his house and he said it means nothing and next day he told me he threw it away. Couple weeks after I found her hairbrush in his bathroom, I told him about it and he said he didn’t know it was there and that he’ll get rid of it. Just a couple days ago I was cleaning the coat closet and found the gifts he told me he threw away hidden in the back and when I confronted him he said he doesn’t know why he lied and stuck to the point that the gift means nothing and I believed him and let it go, but yesterday I found a box of love letters, clothes, gifts, dirty underwears and the hairbrush (that he said he threw away) nicely stacked on a shelf. I’m not sure what to do or believe at this point. He has asked me about marriage and we are ring shopping currently. But all these lies are making me question my relationship.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I know you’re focusing on his lies about the gifts, but the lies are a symptom of his not wanting a conflict with you. In other words, you haven’t said that this guy is a chronic liar. I think you’re saying that he is not being truthful to you about getting rid of gifts from his ex-girlfriend, only. Understand that people lie to avoid the truth coming out, and in this case, he doesn’t want to tell you that he has feelings for his ex. I’m sure you understand that he’s still got an emotional connection to her, even though the relationship is over. The question you have to ask yourself is, do you feel that his relationship with this ex is a threat to your relationship with him? And if so, how? Or… are you just jealous that he still has feelings about a love that’s over?

The reality is that we all have baggage and just because he loved someone with whom things didn’t work out, doesn’t mean he can’t give his heart and his life to you. People re-marry after divorce and being widowed, and they maintain feelings for their exes in many cases — but it doest mean they can or even want to be with them again. The bottom line is that it seems that after dating for 10 months and talking about marriage, he wants you. The question is, do you want him, even if he has feelings for an ex that he is not acting on? If you can simply not like it, but accept it, you may have a much easier time in the relationship, knowing that he wants to keep these gifts from an ex, until he’s ready to get rid of them — not because he’s being given an order to get rid of them.

I hope that helps. 🙂

[Jake]

Stop ring shopping! Before you wear your wedding dress, confirm that there is room in that closet for you or just for memories of your ex. Tell him: If you want to keep gifts, keep them with love, but there is no place for lies in my life. If he loves old dirty laundry that much, tell him to marry them. You want a man who sees a “future” with you, not a man who hides his ex’s “past” in the closet. Wear confidence and take a stand because you were made to roll, not to live in options!
April is right that she still has a connection to her ex, which is normal. Everyone has “baggage.” If he wants to marry you, you should accept that there is a corner in his heart for old love. When he is ready, he will take it out on his own.

[Member]

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