[lotsalala]

my boyfriend of 2 years is coming up and he’s giving me hints that he wants this certain electric guitar for his birthday. we are also bandmates and our band has been together for a year and a half already. he’s been assuring me that he’ll use it but the problem is i think it’s quite expensive for my budget.. and his current electric guitar is still working well. because i myself do not spend that much for myself…

i’m having second thoughts in buying that guitar.. i’m also giving him hints if he could also share in the budget because it’s quite heavy for me.. hehe…

what do you think?

thanks in advance..

ps
the electric guitar costs half my monthly salary… but in normal conditions, i usually spend about 4/5 of my salary for bills and necessities, etc…

i was also wondering if he’s asking for too much or if i’m just being a bit selfish.. because he’s still studying and he can’t afford to buy the same thing for me.. 😐

[katdawg]

You’re not being selfish; you simply can’t afford a gift that extravagant. Maybe you can ask the band members if they can pitch in on a group gift or you can get him a Visa gift card for what you can afford and tell him it’s towards his guitar. OR save up for a while and maybe by his next birthday you can REALLY surprise him with that gift. He should understand if his finances aren’t that great either.

[Ask April Masini]

I love Katdawg’s idea of organizing the purchase of the guitar, rather than shouldering the entire cost yourself. If you take up a collection from family and friends and suggest that they donate a certain amount towards the guitar, you could possibly get him the guitar he wants and stay within your budget!

However, if you want to give him something that’s just from you, that is entirely understandable. What I would suggest is telling him before his birthday that you wish you could buy him what he wants, but you just can’t swing it this year. That way you’ll avoid awkward moments when he opens whatever it is you do give him, and it’s not what he was expecting. It’ll be a lot easier on both of you if you acknowledge upfront his desire for you to buy him a guitar, and your inability to buy it for him.

I know it’s hard to disappoint someone you love, but being realistic and honest with those you love, is important in establishing and developing intimacy. Figure out what your budget is, and buy him something that you feel you can afford and that you know will be special for him. 🙂

[lotsalala]

what a great idea!!! i didn’t realize that i could also get help from bandmates and friends! i might not be able to give it to him on his birthday but i could be able to give the guitar to him on our anniversary!

thanks katdawg and april for that wonderful idea and insight! it made me feel beter.. 😀

[Ask April Masini]

Great! You’re welcome. 😀

[Ethan Morales]

Honestly? April’s right on this one. You shouldn’t go broke trying to impress or please him especially when you’re already covering your essentials with most of your income.

He’s got a working guitar, so this isn’t a need; it’s a want. If he really values you, he won’t want you to struggle financially just to get him something pricey.

Be upfront. Tell him you’d love to, but it’s just out of reach right now that’s honesty, not selfishness. Real relationships don’t measure love by the price tag.

[Natalie Noah]

You’re not being selfish at all, you’re being responsible, and that’s a form of love too. Wanting to give him something meaningful doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice your financial stability. A gift that costs half your monthly salary is a huge emotional and financial weight to carry alone, and that pressure doesn’t magically disappear just because the person you love wants something expensive. April’s suggestion about being honest upfront is honestly healthy and kind. It protects you from silently stressing and protects him from expecting something you can’t reasonably give. A relationship stays strong when both people feel safe to say, “I want to make you happy, but I also need to take care of myself.”

His desire for the guitar doesn’t automatically mean he’s asking for too much sometimes people dream out loud without realizing the cost to others. But you asking him to share the cost is totally fair. You’re not shutting the dream down, you’re just inviting him to be part of making it real. And if he can’t contribute financially right now, then the loving thing is for him to understand your limits without guilt-tripping you. A gift doesn’t have to be expensive to be meaningful. Sometimes the most beautiful part of giving is the intention, not the price tag. So don’t pressure yourself, sweetheart the right gift is the one you give with peace, not panic.

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