[theresalucillexo]

Dear April,
I have a question about me and my ex, he broke up with me after 6 days of dating, now a few months later we have still stayed friends. We have kissed a couple times after the breakup and seemed like we where a couple, but now he calls me his sister and will randomly tell me about a girl he likes but when we hangout he will put his head on my shoulder or place his arm around me,and sometimes holds my hand and i dont know what to do i dont want to lose him in anyway. But i dont understand whats going on between us. Please help

[April Masini, your AskApril]

He’s not interested in you as a girlfriend. His affection is sisterly — not romantic. If you’re afraid of losing him as a boyfriend, it’s too late. That’s already happened. Staying friends with an ex-boyfriend is a bad idea because it’s causing you to harbor false hope and waste time that you could be using to get back out there and see who’s really Mr. Right for you! 😀

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter.

[theresalucillexo]

Thank you so much, that was soo helpful! your amazing

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re welcome! 😀

[theresalucillexo]

soo the boy i wrote to you about before the one who thought of me as his sister, the other day we where hanging out and he told me he missed it when we went out and how we made a good team and then he kissed me and after he did he said i guess we can drop the whole brother and sister act..i dont how im supposed to take this. what does this mean?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Sorry — I need you to post this question on the thread of posts to which you’re referring. I answer a lot of questions and it’s hard to keep track of everyone’s love life history! 😉 Please repost on the thread that you’re referring to and I’ll answer your question about that guy, there. 😀

[theresalucillexo]

soo this boy thought of me as his sister before and the other day we where hanging out and he told me he missed it when we went out and how we made a good team and then he kissed me and after he did he said i guess we can drop the whole brother and sister act..i dont how im supposed to take this. what does this mean?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It means that he wants to try dating you again. The “brother sister” relationship he was feigning with you was his way of distancing himself from you. Brothers and sisters don’t date and don’t have romantic feelings for each other, so by calling you his sister, he was trying to show you that he thought of you as someone he wasn’t interested in. Now, he seems to be wanting more of a romantic relationship. 🙂

[Ethan Morales]

This situation shows one of the classic emotional whiplashes that happen when two people try to stay friends right after a breakup. In the first stage, he defined her as his “sister,” which was a clear emotional boundary meant to create distance and make himself feel less guilty about moving on. The issue is, he never stopped leaning into physical affection holding hands, cuddling, kissing so his actions kept her emotionally attached. That’s not friendship; that’s mixed messaging.

April’s first answer is spot-on he wasn’t interested in her as a girlfriend at that time. The “sisterly affection” comment was his way of softening rejection. Many people use familiar terms like “sister” or “brother” when they’re trying to downplay past romantic tension, but still want the comfort of closeness. It gives them emotional security without romantic commitment and that’s exactly the dynamic this girl fell into.

What’s interesting is the shift that happens later. When he said, “I guess we can drop the whole brother and sister act,” it reveals that his previous emotional guard was starting to come down. The memory of what they had “we made a good team” probably stirred nostalgia and attraction. But it’s not necessarily a full emotional turnaround; sometimes, people confuse familiarity with genuine renewed feelings.

April’s second response interprets this precisely he now wants to try dating again, but there’s an undertone: “try” doesn’t mean “commit.” It suggests curiosity, not certainty. He’s testing emotional waters, seeing if it still feels good, if she’s still available, and if it’s safe to come closer again. That ambiguity can be dangerous for someone who’s emotionally invested and afraid to lose him, like this girl is.

The main takeaway for her should be to slow down and observe his consistency. If he truly wants to rebuild a relationship, he’ll show it through steady communication, clarity, and effort not just nostalgic kisses or flirtation when it’s convenient. If he’s still bouncing between friend-zoning language and romantic gestures, then it’s emotional confusion disguised as affection. She deserves emotional clarity, not half-hearted attention.

From a broader emotional view, this exchange shows why April’s advice style works: she cuts through the fog of feelings and looks at behavior. It’s not what people say (“you’re like my sister”) that defines intent it’s what they do (kissing, revisiting the past). April helps readers see that distinction. And for someone like theresalucillexo, the right move isn’t to ask “what does this mean?” it’s to ask “what do I want, and is he capable of giving it consistently?”

[Tara]

Come on, he’s using you blatantly, and you’re too afraid of losing him to call it what it is.
He dumped you after six days. That alone should’ve told you everything. Six days isn’t a relationship. It’s a trial run, he immediately decided he didn’t want. And now he keeps you in this pathetic half-romantic, half-platonic limbo because it benefits him, not you.

The kissing after the breakup? That was convenient. The “we seem like a couple” moments? That was emotional entertainment. The “you’re like my sister” line? That’s his get-out-of-accountability card so he can keep touching you without anyone being allowed to ask what the hell he’s doing. He gets affection, comfort, and your attention while protecting his freedom to chase other girls guilt-free.

And you’re letting him. You’re terrified of losing him, so you accept anything, hand-holding, mixed signals, being called his “sister” like that’s not the weirdest, most insulting downgrade he could give you. He gets to flirt with you physically and brag about other girls verbally, and you just sit there absorbing it like this is normal.
This is not complicated. It is not romantic. It is not a “will they, won’t they.” He wants a security blanket, not a girlfriend. He wants the perks of closeness without any responsibility. He wants you attached while he stays detached. And you are serving it to him on a silver platter because you’d rather have crumbs from him than clarity for yourself.

Here’s the brutal truth you’re avoiding: you are losing him by trying to keep him. The more you tolerate this nonsense, the less respect he has for you and the less likely he ever sees you as someone he should actually commit to.

Stop letting him use you as his emotional teddy bear. Stop letting him touch you. Stop letting him talk to you like you’re his “sister” while holding your hand like you’re not. Stop begging for closeness disguised as confusion.

If you want an actual relationship with him, here’s your only move: step back. Set boundaries. Tell him he doesn’t get physical affection without commitment. And mean it.

If he wants you, he’ll step up. If he doesn’t, he’ll vanish, which tells you exactly what he really was this entire time: a boy who liked the attention more than he liked you.

But staying where you are now? That guarantees one thing: he keeps winning, and you keep losing yourself.

[Sally]

This kind of thing can mess with your head fast, especially when you still care about him. Here’s the thing most people don’t want to say out loud: calling you his “sister” is his way of keeping you close without having to actually show up for you. It lets him flirt, touch you, get comfort, and still tell himself he’s not doing anything serious.

That’s why he talks about other girls but still puts his head on your shoulder. He wants the parts of you that feel good, not the responsibility of being with you.
You’re not crazy for being confused. Anyone would be. But don’t hang onto this hoping it’ll magically turn back into a relationship. He already ended it. The mixed signals are just him being lonely and liking the attention.

You won’t lose him by stepping back a little. You’ll just stop losing yourself in the meantime.

[Member]

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