[snugglebug]

I just had a baby 6weeks ago and was the happiest girl in the world. 2 weeks after delivery I decided to watch a movie on my fiance ps3. So as I was figuring out how to start it I found some messages that he had sent to another gamer. not thinking anything of it i started looking through them out of curiosity because he spent so much time gaming. I realized he had been talking with this girl online for the duration of my pregnancy. Nothing super serious and she does live in another country(gorgeous to boot) but i felt so betrayed that he could do such a thing. I thought he only had eyes for me. He was telling her how beautiful she is and stuff like that. One thing that really bother me was when he asked her if she wanted an Australian kiss (a kiss from down under) i confronted him about it Nd he said it was nothing, its not like he cheated on me. Which is slightly true but i told him to put himself in my shoes and see how he would feel. He never told her he was getting married or that he had another baby on the way. He always made it a point to go outta his way to message her even when we were on our date night :'( the day our baby girl was born he messaged her forgetting to mention the fact that he was once again a new daddy. For 2 days we didn’t talk and all I could do was cry. I trusted him so much and didn’t understand how he could do such a thing. Did he not love me, was he not attracted to me anymore?? There was so much running through my mind. But for the sake of our children I tried to let it go and leave it alone. He had deleted his gamer tag and doesn’t play anymore, deleted his Skype which he had her on, but she’s a Blogger and a gamer and has stuff on the internet still so I’m not sure he completly cut her out. Than 2 days ago i found out that the girl he had been talking to had the same name as the name he chose for our baby. So now I feel like an idiot because everytime I look at my beautiful baby girl or say her name its just a constant reminder of what I’m trying so hard to forget.
We did have her name picked out from the beginning and he swears its not because of her. He said he didn’t know her name right away but he knew they shared the same name when she was born. He could of said he liked our other chosen name for the baby better or did he just think I wouldn’t find out??? Could this be just a coincidence… Idk but i feel like an idiot fooled by the only one I trusted and loved unconditionally. I have been contemplating changing her name while she’s still a baby but don’t want to have to explain to family and friends why i chose to change it. To everyone else were the perfect happy couple but secretly I’m dying inside :'( and can’t talk to him right now. Were back to the silent treatment…..

Plz help!!!!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both? How long have you been engaged? Dating? Do you have a wedding date?

[snugglebug]

Were both in our early 30’s. Been together 5 years and engaged for the past year with no set date as of yet

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Your fiance has been cheating on you with this woman, and I’m not sure how far the cheating has gone, but he’s definitely been hiding his sexually flirtatious relationship with her from you — which is why you’re upset. If this is new behavior for him, you have to understand that this kind of cheating doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Without blaming anyone, decide if there’s anything YOU can do to make the relationship better. I understand you’re not talking to each other, but it isn’t productive, and you need to open up the channel of communication again and talk. The best way to deal with dishonesty is to be absolutely honest. If you find that over time, he’s not honest with you, you don’t have a good basis for a relationship. Chronic liars are impossible to have healthy relationships with. But if he’s not a chronic liar and felt neglected or if there was a problem in the relationship you weren’t aware of and maybe he didn’t want to come to you with because of your pregnancy, now is the time to find out.

Your daughter’s name is what you’re focusing on, but it’s the tip of the iceberg. You can always give her a nickname or change her name — you don’t have to tell your family the reason if you don’t want to. “I changed my mind,” is a good enough excuse for that. 😉

Let me know how things go.

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