[ryaneedshelp]

I am desperate for help. I’m 29, my fiancé (26) and I have been together for about 18 months. I love her deeply. I love to spoil her and do anything to make her happy. She isn’t an affectionate woman. It took some time for me to get used to that but I did. I knew I had to accept her for who she is even though it is still hard at times. About 6 months ago our sex life went downhill. She said it spawned from being stressed out over our desicion to move in together. (We still live separately.) So I put the move on hold. But the sex never really recovered. For the first 8-9 months of our relationship we had sex 3-4 times a week. And on weekends sometimes we didn’t stop!! Since she isn’t emotional the closeness of sex made up for it, but now we have sex MAYBE once a month. It has caused many fights and it is really the only thing we fight about… It kills me. I have told her it breaks my heart to feel this unwanted. She says sex has turned into a chore. Says she feels like she has to do it so I won’t be upset. But when its 6 weeks with no passion, yes I do get upset. I told her I didn’t want it to be a chore and would back off. Guess what? Still no sexual attention. My fiance is my dream girl, stunning cannot describe her. She has the power to make me happy, but I feel like she doesn’t care because nothing changes. I want to marry this woman but if this is what it is going to be like, I cannot live a sexless life. Please please help. I don’t know what else to do. I feel so unwanted.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

There are some things you can do, but there is also a maturity issue where she may have a deficit. 😕 But let’s start with what you can do.

I’m sure you understand that for men and for women, sex is different, and women need a longer time to warm up. Seduction is a big deal and it starts way before anyone steps foot in the bedroom. Flirting throughout the day, the week, and even when you’re not having sex — to remind her how sexy she is — will help out. Anything that pressures her, like stress, fatigue, or even feeling fat, will become an obstacle. That said, try to make time and space for sex, without pressure. Going away for an overnight, a weekend, or making time and space for sex when there’s not a 5 a.m. wakeup for work the next day that’s going to be playing like one violin string in the background of the near midnight sex, the night before, will help. There are also things you can do to set the scene — and I’ve written a book called Romantic Date Ideas that you can buy here: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/romantic-date-ideas.html[/url]. It will give you a to do list for various dates designed to get things going and put the X back in your sex life.

If you try all of that, and she’s still not interested, you have to consider the fact that she’s not affectionate and she won’t have sex with you as often as you want it — and she won’t move in with you — as warning signs that either she’s not mature enough to understand the give and take and sacrifices people make in marriage, or she may not really want to be married to you. I’m not sure when you got engaged, or when the wedding is, but the slow down in sex can be something organic, or it can be a sign of a bigger problem.

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url]
And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

[ryaneedshelp]

Thank you for responding. I honestly do try. I do things throughout our day like “You are so beautiful babe.” Or “I hope you know how important you are to me.” All the time. We both have children. Everyother wweekend we have a couple days just to ourselves that I always try to fill with fun, dinner, friends (she is very social), and sleeping in with breakfast in bed! Yes I’m a rare guy, but also love her and put her happiness before my own….. She shuts down when romance is involved. When we cuddle up in bed for a while, if I start to gently kiss her neck and run my hand down her arm I get “sigh, cmon babe what are you doing??” Do this during the day I’ll get “Stop it! I just did my make up!”..…… This becomes very disheartening for me. I’m almost ready to throw in the towel except, I love her, I love her daughter, and my son loves them too. But, I cannot make a relationship last on “I love you too babe.”

[April Masini, your AskApril]

People often think that because they love someone, they can make a marriage work. But, love is just one component of a marriage. There is compatibility, character, shared values — and yes, generosity, sexuality and warmth — that are necessary to make a relationship work long term. We all love lots of people and things, but that doesn’t mean a marriage to all of them will work. Sometimes someone like your fiancé has many wonderful qualities, but also possesses some deal breakers that make a marriage, a failing option. It sounds like this isn’t going to work for you, long term.

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url]
And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

[Member]

Posts