[Aniceguy]

My GF is 27 and accepting a doctorate program that is expensive. We have dated for 1.5 years, been saying we love each other meaningfully for a year, and have overcome problems, with me typically taking the emotional hero as I am in the military and have been gone significantly this past year. She broke up with him 5 months before we started dating. He cheated on her multiple times. We are both late 20s. He is late 30s, meaning he was about 30 when she was 20 and started dating him. She is considering this out of necessity because she is accepting a doctorate program and has to quit work. Other people offered, she denied for independence reasons. She felt that circumstances would make it feel too rushed for us to move in together since I live 45 min away and would be seemingly her savior as opposed to us moving in together out of love. But apparently he offered, implying that they still have communication and she is making this decision solo without asking me. I should not know, someone has confidentially informed me of the situation, and she is assuming that this will end the relationship from this persons perspective. I have always loved her and live by the philosophy of being the better man, but I do not know what to do in this situation and am seriously in need of help, as I am out of the country again

[AskApril Masini]

It sounds like she’s made a decision to move in with her ex-boyfriend in order to alleviate her expenses. There is always the chance that because she and her ex have a 7 year history before having broken up, there is more than just a financial situation between them, but if you’re correct, and she’s merely moving in with him because of money, you might want to reconsider that this isn’t the woman for you. I know you consider yourself a man of honor, and I believe that you are, but that requires you to find a woman who is compatible in these types of values. This is actually a chance for you to see a side of her you might not have seen otherwise, so while it seems hurtful, it may just be the way you realize she’s not the one for you. 😕

I hope that helps.

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url]
And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

[Aniceguy]

Thank you, April. Yeah this situation really came out of nowhere and she and I are both definitely considering realities with this. Had this not occurred in such a fashion, she having exhausted all of her options, everything would be fine. I’m wondering with both her and my schedules if people really do have the ability to just slow down or take a break without signifying that they want to seperate. Her ex has kind of made it clear he doesn’t want me in his home, which of course both her and I recognize a degree of control. We want to be together, but I’m really wondering if certain circumstances just can’t be overcome

[AskApril Masini]

I think that you need to wake up and smell the coffee….. She made this decision without you, and nobody is forcing this. So, don’t blame the guy she’s now living with — she’s 27 years old, and could easily get a job instead of continue in an expensive education program, or live with roommates to cut her expenses, or decide that her life with you is more important than a doctoral degree….. In other words, you have to look at the situation realistically and not drink the Kool Aid. She may tell you that she wants to be with you — but she’s not acting like it.

Her priorities are very clear, and the relationship she has with you is not close to the front of the line. 😉

I know that this will sting to hear, but you need to be aware of what’s happening, and do what’s right for yourself. Just as she is, for herself.

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url]
And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

[Member]

Posts