[kendallb]

Okay, so my wonderful girlfriend and I have almost been dating a year. We are both high school seniors, and she is actively involved with the drama program at her high school. For the upcoming play she has to kiss this guy, and I am in no way worried about her being unfaithful, but we had a situation last summer and thinking about her kissing someone else puts me in a rather unhappy mood. It all went down when she went to girls’ state last summer, she was in a dorm with some girls and spent the week with them. Well one day her roommates were gone so she went to take a nap with one of her friends in the same bed next door. The girl she was sleeping with decided to make out with her while she was sleeping[waking her up], and after about five seconds of making out(this is how long she said it lasted, i trust her) she freaked out and pushed the girl off. I am a pretty devout christian and i strongly disagree with homosexuality of any form, i don’t hate the people i just do not support it at all. So i talked to her that night and she didn’t think it was a very big deal. I couldn’t understand how it was anything less than a big deal, and her and the girl continued to be friends afterward. I made it out in my heart to forgive her(her saying it didn’t matter hurt me more than than any kiss would) and she said sorry and all. She remained friends with the girl, and one night we were on the phone, and she told me how if we weren’t dating she probably would have done a lot more with that girl, and that broke my heart because i didn’t think that was her, she never had wanted to be gay or anything and she is a christian too. She said she really didn’t mean to say that, so after a little while we made up and we are on great terms at the moment. She has this play coming up(she told me for a while that she wasn’t going to do any more plays) and she has to do a kiss scene with this really creepy guy. I’m not jealous of her liking him or anything, but it hearts my heart a little when I think about her kissing someone else, and I become angry. I need some advice.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like two things are going on. You’re upset that she kissed a girl and is possibly interested in more of that, and you’re upset that she is going to kiss a guy in a play she’s in. I think that if the episode with the other young woman hadn’t occurred, you might be more able to brush off the kiss in the play. But now that there are two kisses outside of your relationship, you’re feeling like the door is cracked open to her kissing other people and it being okay.

It sounds like the two you have some openness in your relationship and you’re mature enough to handle a discussion with her where you can tell her how you feel without losing focus of the idea that you want things to be good between the two of you. Many couples think that discomfort means there is something wrong with the relationship. That’s not always true. You can feel jealous and uncertain – and still love her and feel her commitment to you. In other words, your feelings of jealousy and uncertainty don’t have to end the relationship. It’s okay to feel discomfort — and you should see it was a door to open and figure out what’s behind it. Your fear of losing her to this other woman or to this guy in the play is probably behind your discomfort and if you can nurture your commitment to and from her, you’ll be a stronger couple that won’t crack when there’s a play with a kiss or an unwanted advance that stirs feelings.

Tell her what’s bothering you — but don’t make a mountain out of a molehill and keep the focus on the good that is in your relationship, not the weaknesses you bring to it. 😉

[kendallb]

Thank you so much, I just felt like I needed an outside opinion. I really do love her with my whole heart, she is good to me. I just don’t have it in me to be upset with her. I am happy that she pursues her interests, she is very involved in her school. Our anniversary is in about two months, and I can’t wait to take her to prom ❤.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think that asking her to prom will put the focus in your relationship on what’s good and positive. 🙂 Let me know if you have any more questions.

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