[mike0835487]

My girlfriend and I are very much in love. I am facing one issue that I can’t seem to resolve however and this is the fact that she still insists on keeping in touch with all of her ex boyfriends, some of who she had dated for years. I don’t understand her need to do this? In talking to her she says that it is because they are all grown ups and they are a part of her past. Personally I am upset at the need to keep these relationships maintained and my exposure to this all. In the next couple of months she is intending on meeting up with a couple of her ex’s and introduce me to them, obviously something I feel no need for at all, I can’t really understand what this does for “us”. She doesn’t seem to understand that I think this is abnormal and that it is really getting to me. I am at the point of questioning if I am a reasonable person for thinking the way I do or am I just being ridiculous. I do trust in her that I am the one she wants to be with and this is pretty secure in my mind but I really wish she would just move on and embrace a future with me, letting the past be that, the past. I am almost despairing at the fact that she can’t understand that this is all really affecting me.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like you feel threatened by the ex-boyfriends she keeps in touch with, but I’m not sure she’s given you reason to feel threatened. ❓ Normally, I’d side with you if she was meeting up with these guys [i]without[/i] you and if you felt that they were moving in on your woman — but it sounds like she wants to include you in these relationships and I haven’t heard you say that any of these guys were acting inappropriately or if they had new girlfriends or wives. Are these her only friends? Does she socialize with other people as well as the ex-boyfriends?

The other thing to consider is that the more importance you give something, the more important it becomes. 😉 If you can sort of brush this behavior of hers off as inconsequential, the same way you would anything your partner does that you don’t like, it may not become such a blemish in the relationship. The truth is that every couple has some things that they dislike about their partners and the way they deal with these things ranges from humor to temporarily separating (he takes a fishing weekend while she goes to the spa) to deal making (I’ll go eat dinner with your ex-boyfriend if you spend the weekend with my mother and her blind sixteen cats.).

Let me know if that helps. And please join me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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