[Imani]

This might sound materialistic, but my husband is a terrible gift-giver, and it’s starting to break my heart. For every birthday, holiday, and anniversary, he either buys me something generic at the last minute or gets me something that shows he hasn’t been paying attention at all. It’s not about the cost; it’s about the complete lack of thought. I once spent months talking about a specific author I loved, only to receive a generic scented candle for my birthday.

I know he loves me, but his thoughtless gifts are a symptom of a larger issue—he doesn’t seem to listen to me or know what my interests are. It makes me feel completely unseen and unimportant. I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he dismisses my feelings by saying I’m being ungrateful. How do I explain that it’s not about the gift, but about the lack of attention it represents?

Ask April Masini #1 most trusted relationship advice Forum

[PassionSeeker]

I completely understand how that feels. When the person you love gives you something that feels so far from you, it’s not the present that hurts — it’s the reminder that maybe he isn’t paying attention. You’re not asking for luxury; you’re asking to be known.

I’ve been there before — smiling politely while my heart quietly sank, wondering, Does he even see who I am anymore? It’s not about being ungrateful; it’s about craving emotional connection through small gestures that say, “I know you.”

Sometimes people give thoughtless gifts because they don’t realize how much meaning we attach to them. For them, it’s a task; for us, it’s intimacy. If he’s the type who doesn’t pick up on subtle hints, try telling him gently:

“When you give me something that doesn’t feel like me, it makes me feel a little unseen. What matters most to me is knowing you notice me.”

If he truly loves you — and most likely, he does — he’ll want to understand what makes you feel valued. The goal isn’t to shame him; it’s to help him see you again.

You deserve to feel celebrated, not tolerated — even in the smallest gestures.

[Ask April Masini]

Well, sweetie, you can’t really change someone, trust me. All you can do is bring it up and point out what’s wrong, and if they truly care, they’ll make an effort to change. But it sounds like your husband doesn’t care enough to make any kind of shift. This is why I always tell people to always ask themselves “Am I getting enough?” when dating, If you’re not getting what you deserve, and they’re not ready to give it to you, you need to move on.

I’m sure this issue with the thoughtless gifts didn’t start after you two got married. This behavior’s been there all along, but you went ahead and married him anyway, hoping it might change but to him, that must’ve meant you were okay with it. He genuinely believes he’s doing enough because “How else would you agree to marry him”., which is why he keeps calling you ungrateful

As a married couple, there’s not much more you can do at this point. You’re not going to divorce him over bad gift-giving habits, right? All you can do is keep reminding him and hoping that, eventually, he sees the light and makes a change.

A little tip to make sure your reminder work, even though it might make the gift less exciting. Try mentioning it to them weeks ahead of time. Let them know how much it would really mean to you if they gave you something more personal, instead of just a generic gift. Tell them, it doesn’t have to be anything extravagant – just something that that shows they really thought about what you’d love

[Ethan Smith]

I get where you’re coming from. It’s tough when you feel like your partner isn’t truly seeing you, especially in something as personal as gift-giving. Gifts are supposed to reflect the person, to show you’ve been thought of, you’ve been seen. When they miss the mark, it feels like they’re just checking a box, not putting in the effort to understand you.

I’ve been there too, where I was too caught up in the chaos of my work and didn’t give the people around me the attention they needed. I wasn’t really hearing them, even when I thought I was. It wasn’t until I took a step back, took some time for myself, and listened more closely that I realized love isn’t about doing the big things right it’s about being present in the little things.

If your husband’s gifts feel thoughtless, it might be a sign he’s missing the mark on the connection, too. Have you had a chance to tell him how it makes you feel? Sometimes we don’t realize how we’re coming across, and it’s easier to make a change when someone points it out with love, rather than frustration.

I know it’s tough, but sometimes those small conversations can help reset things. Love doesn’t always show up in big gestures; sometimes, it’s in the quiet moments where you feel seen, heard, and understood.

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