[Anonymous]

A few months ago my boyfriend and I moved in together. Things have been great, but there are still a few kinks to work out. Our schedules are very different, my boyfriend has a very hectic work schedule and doesn’t get home from the office till around 6pm usually 6 days a week. I on the other hand work from home so I have a lot more free time.Since I am home and have more time on my hands I am usually the one that ends up doing most of the housework, and making dinner every night. But just because I am home more, I don’t feel like it should be all my responsibility. If I do mention something about asking him to pitch in, he claims by the time he gets home from work every night he’s exhausted and that I have all the time in the world to do it. But just because I have more free time then him doesn’t mean I want to spend it all being a housewife. Am I being selfish?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

No, you’re not being selfish. Here are some suggestions you can use or riff off of to make you feel less put upon and to get him involved without taxing him too much.

Instead of his making dinner, why don’t you ask him to pick up dinner on the way home several nights a week. In fact, you can even order it and have him pick it up on his way home. Then you don’t have to cook, and neither does he. Or, you could meet at a restaurant for dinner on the way home once a week.

Instead of cooking an elaborate meal when it is your turn to prepare dinner, consider something you can microwave and serve with a fresh salad and a bottle of wine. In fact, you can get salads pre-washed and chopped in a bag to make your life even more easy!

If housework becomes too tedious, consider a housekeeper or maid service as your budget allows. Paper plates don’t have to be washed, and that cuts down on doing the dishes. If you live in a city, some laundromats or dry cleaners will do your laundry “by the pound” so you don’t have to.

See if getting creative with these suggestions or your own ideas, cuts the stress a little!

Please follow me, as well, @AskAprilcom on Twitter.

[katdawg]

I’m curious if the bills are split 50/50 or is he the main provider of the two roommates? The two of you are not engaged correct? So there’s no promise of a future together? Is the man you chose to put your hopes and dream into not underdtanding enough, compassionate enough to hear you out and work on a compromise? Perhaps you can trust your choice in a man and communicate with him your concerns.

Aprils’s solutions are great ideas!!! I use paper plates when my boyfriend “visits” me. I have visited him as well and have seen him in his environment and he is a tidy man. I think I chose wisely.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Let me know how things are going for you? 😉

[Sally]

Living together means sharing responsibility, not dividing roles by who’s home more. Yes, you have more flexibility, and it makes sense that you do more around the house but that doesn’t mean you do everything. Free time is still your time, not unpaid labor time.

The real issue isn’t chores, it’s expectations. Right now, he’s treating your availability like an obligation. That will build resentment fast if it doesn’t change.
Instead of asking him to “help,” frame it as fairness. For example: you handle daily cooking and tidying, but he’s responsible for certain set tasks like dishes after dinner, trash, weekend cleaning, or groceries. Even small, consistent contributions matter.

Exhaustion is real, but so is burnout. A relationship works best when both people feel like teammates, not one person carrying the home while the other clocks out.
You’re not asking for a housewife title you’re asking for balance. That’s valid.

[Member]

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