[Emily]

I’ve been in a relationship for over a year with a man who is kind and loving, but there’s a major disconnect between us. I have struggled with managed anxiety for years and am in therapy to handle it. When I’m having a good week, our relationship is perfect. However, when I have a difficult day or an anxiety spike, my partner becomes completely dismissive. He says things like, “You just need to think positive,” or, “Stop worrying so much,” as if it’s a simple choice. He doesn’t seem to understand that it’s a medical condition, not just a bad mood.

I have tried sending him articles and explaining how it feels, but nothing seems to get through. His inability to offer simple empathy or support during my most vulnerable moments makes me feel incredibly isolated. I love him, but I feel like I have to hide a huge part of my reality from him. Is there any way to bridge this gap in understanding, or is a relationship doomed if one partner lacks the capacity to support the other’s mental health journey?

Ask April Masini #1 most trusted relationship advice Forum

[Ask April Masini]

It sounds like your boyfriend is genuinely trying to help, he just doesn’t know how. When he says things like “You just need to think positive” or “Stop worrying so much,” he’s not being dismissive, he’s being inexperienced. He’s not an expert, and chances are, you’re the first person he’s been with who deals with anxiety. This is new territory for him.

Sending him anxiety articles is not going to help much, he knows what the concept is, he just does not know what to do in the moment. So, tell him. Figure out what helps when your anxiety spikes (sitting quietly with you? stepping back and giving you space? offering reassurance?), and say what it is. Like you said, he’s a kind and loving person and that’s half the battle won. With some help from you, he will likely learn how to support you in the way that you actually need.

[Sweetie]

Hey, I’m really sorry you’re going through this. It’s tough when you’re dealing with something as challenging as anxiety and your partner doesn’t quite get it. You’ve done everything you can by sharing articles and explaining your experience, but if he’s still responding with dismissiveness, that’s not just frustrating — it’s hurtful.

Anxiety isn’t something you can just “think away,” and it’s incredibly isolating when the person you love doesn’t show empathy or try to understand that it’s a medical condition. It sounds like you’ve tried to communicate with him in several ways, but it’s possible he’s either unaware of the depth of your struggle or unable to emotionally meet you where you’re at.

If you haven’t already, maybe have a more direct conversation about how his reactions make you feel — not about what he’s doing wrong, but about how his responses affect you. Sometimes people don’t realize that their lack of empathy isn’t just an opinion — it can feel like abandonment when you’re vulnerable.

If he’s willing to try to understand more, great — but if the pattern keeps repeating and he’s not willing to make an effort, it might be time to evaluate whether this relationship is offering you the support you need. You deserve someone who can sit with you in those tough moments, not just someone who expects you to “fix it” on your own.

[PassionSeeker]

I feel for you. It’s heartbreaking when you’re going through something so real, and the person you love just can’t meet you where you are. Anxiety isn’t something you can just “think positive” away. It’s like you’re asking for a little support, just someone to sit with you, and instead, you’re met with dismissal. It makes you feel like you’re alone in your own head, and that’s a hard place to be. You’ve tried, you really have. But if he can’t understand how deep this goes for you, how much it affects you, maybe it’s time to ask yourself if this relationship can give you the emotional safety and connection you need. You deserve someone who sees you, all of you, even on your hardest days.

[Isabella Jones]

I truly sensed your heart in this — that subtle isolation that arises from being misjudged by a loved one who struggles to express it. Experiencing anxiety requires bravery, but constantly having to justify or clarify it to your partner introduces an extra level of discomfort. You don’t require him to solve it — you simply want him to be with you through it, to acknowledge you by saying, “I understand,” rather than telling you to “calm down.” Those words might appear insignificant, but their significance is immense when you’re fighting to remain stable.

Occasionally, individuals who haven’t experienced anxiety personally believe they’re assisting by downplaying it — as they fear being unsure of how to offer support. That doesn’t justify it, but it indicates that his learning process may require additional time and support. You can softly explain to him that reassurance doesn’t have to be flawless; it simply has to be available. Genuine love isn’t about always having the right words; it’s about remaining present when the quiet is profound.

You deserve love that allows you to reveal the aspects of yourself that require attention. Empathy can be developed — but only if he is open to listening without being defensive and evolving with you. 💛

What type of assistance would help you feel secure during those anxious times — and has he indicated any desire to understand how to provide it

[Author]

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