[Singlemomma39]

This may seem whiny and negative but I will admit that I am stressed to the max. Advanced apology.

I am a single parent of two teenaged girls. I have done a good job raising them so far and I worry about how I will provide for their future. I do work full time and I’m not on welfare. I struggle to even buy groceries at times. Everyone tells me how “strong” I am, but on the inside I feel like a failure. Nobody tells me that to my face, just on facebook and stuff. So, honestly, it means nothing to me. I would really kill for a hug. I am so alone in this world. I have my kids but they are busy with their friends and that makes me happy. I try to have a social life and it fails every time I try to meet up with people I know. I just want to smile and laugh every now and then!!! I DO have a “boyfriend” we have been long distance dating for almost 5 years now. It is taking it’s toll on me. Some days I’m fine, but most of the time I am utterly alone. He’s a good guy and we were friends before we dated. After all of this time he still has not told me he loves me. All he says is that he cares deeply about me and my girls. He seems to not understand that I have feelings. I am not one to argue. In the past 5 years I have maybe told him (very expressively!)how I felt, my goals and what I feel I “need” from the relationship. I’m independent but its just getting more and more depressing to me to not have someone to share my life with. I do not see a future with our relationship mainly because he never talks about “us” or the future. But he is all I have in this world outside of my kids. I am stuck to him I feel. I do love him but it hurts me so much to be in a relationship with him. I have never met his parents and just this past 4t of july i finally met “some” of his friends. It was nice, then while I was there it really hit me about how much time has passed by without being able to be involved in his life more. My heart was embarrassed, I know that sounds crazy but I am ashamed that I have possibly wasted so much time with him, waiting for him to care enough to maybe even want to marry me one day. I do feel I deserve someone that will love me back. I am 39 years old. Two children. I struggle financially every single day of my life. I did not go to college so my future is bleak. I feel guilty most of the time because I do think I am looking for someone to “rescue” me, but then again, I just want someone to tell me it will be okay sometimes. Should I dump him and try to date others? I don’t have any friends that can set me up or anything and I really don’t go anywhere outside of work and home due to finances. I am not unattractive or anything. I do try to keep myself in decent appearance. But I don’t feel that after being a single mom for almost 10 years with nobody to tell me they love me or hold me that I mentally able to actually love. I am also afraid that I am not really a good catch compared to women my age. My family is not around , they all have their own issues. My “friends” just show up on facebook so I don’t look as pathetic when I do actually express feelings. So, I really don’t have anyone to ask for advice. Should I move on or should I continue to stick it out and see what comes out of it? Is this what I deserve? What are the odds of me finding someone that will take on me and my two teenagers. (good kids!!) I am just tired of being alone in this long term relationship. I need advice!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Clearly you need to break up with your long distance boyfriend. You know that. I’m giving you permission. After five years, he’s not offering you a commitment, a hint of a future or the L word. The expiration date on this relationship is four years old now. Next!

The real problem you’re having is you’re feeling sorry for yourself and not seeing that you have a lot to offer someone in a relationship. Let me give you a little perspective:

1. Every single mother struggles financially. You don’t have to be ashamed. Divorce financially devastates single parents regularly. Be upfront when you meet someone you are interested in, and with whom there seems to be a future. In fact, you can even say you’re ashamed, but you still need to come clean about your finances.

2. If there is something you can do to help your financial situation, like getting a better job, picking up a second job, or cutting back on your spending, now is the time to do it. I know it’s hard for you to face it. But you have to, for your daughters, if nothing else.

3. Make a list of your assets. I don’t know you, but I’m guessing that the list might include: you’re attractive, you’re sexy, you’re good in bed, you’re generous, you’re kind, you’re moral, you’re loyal, you’re healthy, you’re a great mother, you have your life together on many fronts, your daughters are well adjusted and happy, you keep a nice home, you’re able to cook well, you have structure and Thanksgiving always comes with a festive dinner at your home, etc.

4. Make a list of the assets you’d like to have, and start working on them. You’re looking at a glass half empty, and you need to see the glass half full. If you have goals (small ones and big ones), you can start working towards them. Achieving them will make you happy and being happy makes you attractive.

5. Many single men and single fathers want to meet someone with “matching luggage” and you have clearly defined luggage that someone may think is great for them.

6. Meeting men is often a challenge, but if you’re truly single, you’re going to be a lot more open than if you’ve got Mr. Right Now on the back burner. I know it’s scary to be truly single for you, but unless you face it and walk that walk, you’ll never really be available for anyone to date.

7. Meeting men is really as simple as your enticing smile across the company cafeteria to a cute co-worker or to an attractive, male neighbor walking his dog on your Sunday morning walk. Be open. Let people know you want to be fixed up. Peruse dating sites. And start the process — and remember, it’s a process, not a quick fix to being lonely. 😉

Let me know how things go.

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url][/b]

[Singlemomma39]

Thank you so much for the response. And yeah, I need to get this all taken care of finally. I do like it here, I will stick around and I will keep you posted 🙂 Thank you for your advice. My friends won’t tell me straight because they know I have “feelings” so I am grateful that someone finally broke it down for me!!!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome. I’m here if you need me! 😀

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url][/b]

[Member]

Posts