[Vanessa8173]

I really need some honest advice. So me and this guy from my college were talking for about 3 moonths straight, and we immediately connected. I could tell he cared about me, and we would talk all the time, and hangout alot. He is the type of guy who “hooked up” with a few girls from our school he summer before. I would always have my guard up around him because I was afraid he saw me the same way. He told me he didn’t, and that he actually truely cared about me, and wanted to have a future with me. He even told his friends that, who then told me. I met his family, and he really made me feel like we would go far. I fell in love with him. He asked me out in the beginning of December, and we dated for about two weeks till he broke up with me. He said to me that he has a lot going on in his life, but he still wants a relationship with me, but just not now. He texted me the next dew days and then our conversations stopped. The week later at school, he tried to talk to me but i was so upset and hurt that i kind of brushed him off. Then a few weeks later he went up to a friend of mine asking what he should do because he wants to talk to me but he’s too afraid. He chickened out and never did. A month later, mid February, I texted him to ask if we could talk and he never replied. Then I finally approached him at school and asked if we could talk and he looked at me and said he doesn’t want to. That crushed me. It crushed me even more because since we’ve been talking, I have been very ill. I have been coughing up blood. Even when we were talking he would get so worried about me, and get extremely nervous every time I coughed or felt uncomfortable. He even stayed up with me one night over the phone because I couldn’t fall asleep because of the pain. He was always worried, even in school. About a week after he broke up with me he asked me how my doctor’s appointment was that saturday ( which he remembered). I told him I have been diagnosed with cancer, and he told me he was really sorry. In January he went up to a friend of mine and asked him what he should do because he is really worried about me. About a month ago I threw up in the bathroom and he kept going up to one of my friends and asking them if I’m okay. And even at school when I get sick or cough, he looks right over with a concerned look. I don’t understand why he won’t talk to me even though he acts concerned about me. I am in love with this guy and really need someone to help me figure out what to do. And when my friends go up to him and ask why he won’t talk to me, he says he just can’t right now. PLEASE DECODE THIS FOR ME! Thankyou

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m very sorry you have cancer, and I’m glad you’re getting good medical care. 🙂 As for this guy, you only dated for two weeks, and he decided that you weren’t his cup of tea. It happens. Not everyone is going to be a match for you — and vice versa. He doesn’t want to date you and he doesn’t love you, but he’s a decent human being, and he is concerned that you are ill. He doesn’t want you to be in pain, or to be sick, but this doesn’t mean he wants a romantic relationship with you. You’re mistaking his general concern and kindness for your well being, with romance. It’s not the latter.

I know that you think that you’re in love with him after dating for two weeks, but my advice is that you look for other men to date — you’ll feel a lot better if you focus on men who are interested in you, rather than one who rejected you.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go.

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