[hollie2013]

i have been with my new boyfriend for only around 7-8 weeks, He is training to be in the navy so i dont get to see him as much as i would want. In september he will have more exams then he will be posted away to see, and he doesnt know how long it will be until he will be home, Therefore he has said he wants to take our relationship slow. Because hes worried that if we rush into a big serious relationship, when september comes..if he isnt going to be able to come home for a while hes afraid it wont work..and then his head will be messed up which he wouldnt want because of him having exams & he said it would be hard for both of us if it happend. so he doesnt want to rush into anything with me. Do you think hes being geniune? Or do you think i could be wasting my time?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like he is being genuine — but the reality is that since you’ve only been dating him for about two months, you don’t know him well enough to know for sure if he is being genuine. Dating is a process where you can get to know someone, and his being genuine is something you’ll get to know about him as you continue to date him.

As for wasting your time — it sounds like you’ve been dating for two months and now he’s going to be focused on his career and he may be posted to sea for an amount of time he’s not sure about — and he’s letting you know so that you don’t waste your time and get too invested. You’ll only be wasting your time if you consider this relationship to be more than it is. If you jump the gun and decide to be monogamous with him under these circumstances, then, yes, you may be wasting your time. I’m not suggesting you be promiscuous, but I do think you should consider playing the field until you get to know him better and until he’s someone you can actually feel more comfortable with and know for sure that he’s being genuine and that the two of you are compatible. Do let me know how old you both are if you write here again — that always helps me give you a better answer. 😉 The advice on this relationship for a 20 year old is different than for a 40 year old. 😉

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[hollie2013]

previous to my other reply, i only had this talk with him on monday, Monday night he went away on a lads holiday and said on the last text i recieved from him ‘See you next week’ So i take it i wont be hearing from him while hes away? Im just abit worried because it is all new with us, With him saying he doesnt want to rush straight into a serious relationship. Im worried if we dont speak for a whole week while hes away, that he doesnt really care. would it be best if i dont text him, wait for him to contact me?

[hollie2013]

ps he is only 23 years old aswell 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Thank you for your update. 🙂

You’re right — that he’s probably not going to contact you while he’s away for the week since he said he’d see you the following week. That was his way of letting you know he’s going to be without you for a week and that you should probably expect to hear from him AFTER he returns. My advice is not to text him while he’s away. Taking that advice will keep you from appearing needy and it will give him the opportunity to miss you while the two of you are apart! 😎

I know that you’re worried that he may not care about you, but you need to take a breath and relax into reality. Here’s why: He’s being open and honest with you — in a way that is appropriate for people who are newly dating. He told you he’s going away indefinitely for his career and that he wants to take things slow — instead of leading you along by indicating that this is going to be a quick, committed relationship, and he’s letting you know that he’s going away with his buddies for a week during which time he’ll be out of touch, but will contact you when he returns. These are kind ways of letting you know where the relationship is at this very moment, as well as what his expectations are for the future, at this moment.

As for you concerns that he doesn’t care for you — you’re trying to elicit a commitment before he knows you well enough to give you one, and if you don’t relax, you’ll push him away — and, you won’t give him the opportunity to get to know you and decide how much of a commitment he wants. You’re also jumping the gun for yourself by not giving yourself the time to get to know him and decide if he’s someone you want to invest in or not.

In general, the first three months of dating are to decide if you want to continue dating someone. The next three months are the time you decide if you want to be monogamous. Usually after the six month mark, there’s a sign that this is monogamous and you’ll get to see, and to decide if he wants a commitment or not.

If you want more information, it might be helpful for you to buy and read Think & Date Like A Man — it’s got a lot of details on how to date successfully, and you can buy it here: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. 😀

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[hollie2013]

Ok, so my ‘Boyfriend’ came back from holiday yesterday, and has now told me he does not want a relationship, he said when i spoke to him about it last week when he said everything was ‘Fine’ he didnt have time to think because he was going on holiday, Hes came home from holiday with his mates and now said he doesnt want a relationship. Im thinking something might of happend on holiday, Because why would you say you was happy with everything before he went, Then come back & say he didnt want a relationship, im just confused as he was the one who asked me to get in a relationship. Im just not sure if i believe the ‘i dont want a relationship line’ i keep thinking its something to do with me, like im not good enough. i havent replied to him since he has said this to me, what should i do & say?! thanks for your help.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

He’s not your boyfriend — even with the quotes you put around the word. 😳 In fact, he was just someone you dated for a few months. It never got to the boyfriend/girlfriend commitment stage — as much as you wished it would have. Go back and read the advice I’ve given you, and you’ll feel better knowing that you jumped the gun, assuming that dating was a relationship. Dating during the first three months is just a time to get to know someone and decide if you want to continue. He decided he didn’t, and he was pretty upfront with you about it.

If you get the book I suggested, Think & Date Like A Man, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], you’ll save yourself a lot of wasted energy in the future by learning about how to win the dating game! 😉

My advice is for you to do nothing — don’t respond. And move on. He’s not your Mr. Right — and as long as you continue to expend energy on him, you’re keeping yourself from being truly available for the man who is. 🙂

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[oskar_pistorius]

I work in a convience store and the police did a sting and I got nailed for selling beer to a minor. I am not denying the fact I did it I got in a hurry and didnt card the guy. The police came in and told me the guy was only 20 but produced no proof of this it was just their word and nothing was explained to me as what I was to expect. Is it going to be worth my time to go in and try and do anything about this ticket I got, they gave me a ticket for not doing my job right and I dont feel they did theirs right by not showing me some ID of the guy and not explaining the process. Any Advise would be great

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Since this is a new subject from a new person — please start a brand new thread instead for this question! I’ll answer you there, as soon as you do that. 🙂

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