[Anonymous]

Hi,

First of all, this is the first time I’ve ever posted to a board like this, but I really could use some advice..I’ve been dating a girl for 5+ years, we’ve had some ups and downs like any couple but we’ve always gotten through OK at the end..but here’s my dilemma..a month ago, she was on Facebook and found an ex-fiancee..she told me about it afterwards, that he “didn’t mean anything to her”, that “she just wanted to see how he was after all these years”…stuff like that. Anyway, soon after, she admitted to me that this guy started texting her and calling her on her phone constantly, and asking why she wasn’t returning all her text messages..I was upset that he was doing that and she told me she would tell him to cool it..well, a couple weeks later, she happened to leave a chat window open where the two of them were talking and it was “suggestive” in context..like flirting..when i confronted her, she said she was just kidding with him and that it wasn’t anything, that she was with me..end of story, and not to worry about it..well, last week, she announced that this guy was coming up from Florida (we are in NY) to visit up here for a week and maybe he could see her for lunch one day, just to see how she was..I was against it, but she said that it wasn’t anything big, that she was a big girl and could handle things. During this time, this guy (twice married and currently “looking for a relationship” according to his facebook page) has continued to text daily, and call her at times to say hi…I am extremely suspicious..for one, I am wondering if she initiated this behavior in him and second, she must have given him her cell phone number and where do you think allof this will lead..She admitted in the beginning that she found this guy, so it wasn’t a secret, but her behavior seems very suspicious…can anybody help as to what to do? Thanks

Oh..and also, she admitted to me a few years ago about a co-worker who she was friends with, suddenly got very suggestive with her and started to harass her and stalk her “without any warning”..she finally admitted it to me because the guy was threatening to go to me with “details”, which she denied ever happening.I only bring this up just because I am wondering if she may have encouraged his behavior in the beginning. She can be flirtatious when she wants to be.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both, and what are your plans for your relationship with your girlfriend?

Let me know and I’ll give you my advice.

In the meantime, join me on Facebook! Here’s that link:[url][/url]. 🙂

[Anonymous]

I’m 44 and she is 33.
My plans are marriage eventually…I think the only thing holding me up is a commitment to our relationship on her end, namely the facebook incident..basically, i don’t believe I’d have looked up an ex-girlfriend seeing how i’m involved with my current one….I’m just not sure if she has a genuine commitment, although she says that she doesn’t believe in divorce and that once you’re married, then that is it..you are with that partner forever. She is a good person..it’s just that there are these times where it seems that she wants to persue these “friendships” with guys in particular..I guess that’s what I’m wondering about..if I’m being overly suspicious or not.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

At your ages, five years of dating is enough time for her to wonder if you’re serious about her at all. 😳 In fact, if she’d come to me instead of you, I’d actually encourage her to test the dating waters because if after five years of dating you hadn’t proposed marriage, you weren’t really interested.

It’s time for you to make a decision and either ask her to marry you or move on. If she’s looking elsewhere it’s because she thinks she doesn’t have a man who’s serious about her in you.

I don’t think she’s lying to you at all. She’s letting you know there are other fish in the sea, and she’s getting ready to cut bait if you’re not her Mr. Right.

Let her know — or let her go. It’s time.

I hope that helps.

Join me on Facebook — I’d love to have you as a member of AskApril.com on Facebook. Here’s that link: [url][/url].

[Badfinger]

Relax and….

I’d just flat out ask her IN PERSON, ‘What’s going on with you and this guy from your past?’

Go from there, based on her response.

Visiting an ex is definitely a bad sign, though, you are paranoid, I would go to the ‘lunch’ or you will never have a clear picture, if she really fights you on going with her, then you know it’s not really casual.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Gotta disagree with you here, [b]badfinger[/b].

After five years of dating, and she’s 33 and he’s 44, she’s looking for a marriage proposal, and he isn’t forthcoming. I think she’s looking for a way to start seeing what else is out there. If this guy has a history of paranoia, then I’d say go for that diagnosis, doc. 😆 But he’s feeling anxious because he has reason to feel anxious and he knows it. That long term relationship with no end in sight at their ages is about to get prickly unless he decides she’s the one and puts a ring on it — or she’s the one he needs to let go.

[Member]

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