[sweetpea37]

A very close friend of mine has been involved with a man now for 7 yrs give or take recently confirmed what she already knew about this man.

she located a number that he had kept hidden from her for quite some time along with not having been to his house in a couple of years to him feeding her all kinds of stories about how he lost his job his apartment etc.. only to find out by calling the number that he has a live in GF that IMO has been there all along while he’s been sleeping with her.

I told her that he is apparently with who he wants to be with long term and all she will ever be is his mistress.

As an end result of all this she had a nervous breakdown and landed in the hospital for 3 days. When I spoke to her over the weekend she had the nerve to ask me if this man will ever come back to see her inspite of what she did. I told her why wouldn’t he? He has the best of both worlds and will keep coming back until she decides once and for all that the ties must be cut and until they are will continue doing his dirt with her using her for what he can and going back to his”girl”.

Am I correct with what I told her about this man with regard to him coming back time and time again until she cuts all contact and what can I do if anything to help her?

[Anonymous]

Would like to see Aprils opinion on this. I’m starting to think either she’s spending less time on here recently or she replies to the posts in order of importance.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It doesn’t make sense to me that she would date a man for 7 years and then be okay not going to his home for 2 entire years. 😯 Surely she knew something was fishy. It’s impossible not to. That she allowed this charade to go on for so long is because [i]she didn’t want to know the truth[/i]. Most women would not want to waste their time with a guy who wouldn’t commit to them for that long, let alone show them his home for two entire years of dating!? 😕

Her nervous breakdown is just a symptom of this problem she has where she doesn’t have the strength to accept reality because it is too painful. I’m not sure what it is she did that she thinks is so awful. I take it she called his home, but it doesn’t sound like she made a scene or disrupted his life.

My guess is that this guy will come back to her when she’s not so fragile any more, but if she starts putting demands on him or questioning him, he’ll bolt. Clearly, he likes his life neat and compartmentalized, and as long as she was going along with that, he was, too.

It’s very kind of you to want to help her, but her self esteem is pretty gutter worthy right about now. She needs to find a way to feel that she deserves more in life. I don’t think he’s going to leave his live in girlfriend if push comes to shove, and I trust she knows that, too. Ironically, someone as fragile as she is would be a lot happier with a guy who was really, truly there for her through thick and thin, but she doesn’t have the tools right now to get what she needs.

Encourage her to focus on herself — and not the relationship with this guy. I bet if she starts doing things for her, she’ll start meeting men who are more Mr. Right and less Mr. Wrong — and if she’s single, she’ll be available!

I hope that helps — and that you’ll join me on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[sweetpea37]

I do know this much that she is in a very TOXIC situation.

She needs to get out ASAP because now it’s affectint her health.

If it were me the next time I saw this man I would sit him down and in a nice way tell him this has to end and also tell him why.

It wouldn’t matter to me if he knew or didn’t know if it was me that called the house but at least he would know I knew the truth as to why he was doing what he was doing.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I hope you are a good influence on your friend and that she is ready to start living a healthy life with real love in it. 🙂

Please join me on Facebook at AskApril.com on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[sweetpea37]

so i will assume that you agree with her telling him it’s over and why?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Nope, sorry, I don’t agree. There is no reason on earth for her to talk to this guy again. She’s not stable and she’s very fragile. If just finding out that he’s living with another woman sent her into the hospital for three days with a nervous breakdown, the best thing she can do is to move on with HER OWN life — without him. She doesn’t owe him any explanations and there’s nothing he can say to make things better. In fact I think any contact now will make her feel worse.

She should move on and focus on her OWN life.

Please join me on Facebook — I’d love to see you there. Here’s that link: [url][/url].

[sweetpea37]

so i will assume that you agree on the fact that this man will get back in touch with her at some point in time.

i already told her to spam his emails and block out whatever other way he contacts her.

will she do it? i hope so for her own well being.

this man is nothing but a user and is using both her and this other woman and will continue to do so as long as these women allow it.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I can’t tell you it’s a FACT that he will come back, but I can tell you that this guy is a predator and your friend plays the victim role, and as long as that dynamic exists, he’ll be back for his prey. 😕

[Member]

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