[chloewatson]

I am completely lost on my current situation and I really hope you could give me some advice.
So, here’s the story:
Two months ago I met a guy at a party and we instantly liked eachother. He called me the next day and we went out on a date. It turned out that we live 10 minutes apart from one another, so the next time he came to my place and (naturally) we had sex. Since then, we’ve been meeting mostly at my place ( as his schedual is completely crazy and he rarely finishes work on time, plus, he travels for work very often, so he’s out of town at least 2-3 days a week). We see eachother quite rarely- mostly once a week for a few hours, and mostly at my place. We also talk on the phone maybe once-twice a week and send a couple of messages. I’ve never been to his place, as (here comes the cherry on top of everything) he still lives with his ex.
I don’t understand the living with the ex situation and tried to ask him a few times, but he assured me they are over and he has no intention of getting back together with her.
Now, I know everything sounds pretty bad, but I am totally into this guy! We have alot in common and can talk about pretty much everything. I feel great around him and we have a fantastic connection. He’s very smart and funny and he has all the qualities I’m looking for in a guy.
We had the “relationship talk” a couple of times. I explained to him that I am not looking just for a hook-up and that if he sees no future with me, there is no point of continuing dating. He told me he likes me alot and he feels good around me, but that he’s not thinking about relationships right now. He said he is a little tired of his last relationship of 5 years, which ended only a few months ago and that now he is just doing all the things he wants to do on his own. He did not give me a specific answer of whether he sees a future with me or not- all he said is that he is still unsure. I told him that I like him enough to give him the time to make up his mind, but that I won’t wait for him forever.
Please tell me what to do! Am I so completely blinded by the fact that I like him so much, that I can’t see the obvious truth? Or does he really need more time and it is worth sticking a bit longer for something potentially great? What should I do and how should I act from now on?

Thanx for listening.
xo Chloe

[April Masini, your AskApril]

The problem with having sex too soon — which you did — is that you don’t get to know the person and find out if this is someone who’s a good match for you and with whom you’ll be compatible. Because you’re looking for a meaningful relationship, and he’s not, you’re incompatible. 🙁 In addition to which, he’s living with his ex-girlfriend, and if you didn’t believe him when he said he wasn’t really ready for a serious relationship, that fact should convince you. But because you had sex with him, and are continuing to, your feelings changed and now you don’t want to move on. Unfortunately, that’s the advice I have for you: Accept what he’s telling you and what he’s doing (living with his ex) and decide to date men who are compatible with you and with whom you have the same relationship goals — and break up with this guy so you can find the guy who is right for you.

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