[TheRealist]

Hi, I am a 29 year old man. I’ve been in a committed relationship for the past seven years that is actually a good relationship (we are best friends) but I am needing to part ways for a variety of reasons.

It feels complicated so I am here to seek some advice. We have tried breaking up multiple times and it never actually happens so that’s why I think I could use some help. I care deeply about this person. It’s kind of a long story but I can give more details if somebody wants to on here thinks it would help if I elaborate?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like you need to practice self-discipline. If you want to break up, and can’t, it’s because you keep going back. If you simply stop going back, or entertaining reunions, the break up will stick. That’s the short answer! 😉

Use boundaries to help effectuate your goals. Don’t pick up his or her calls. Don’t return his or her texts or e-mails. And don’t meet up. Next, get busy. The more involved you are in other parts of your life, the less likely you’ll have “space” to fill with his or her contact. Use the break up to improve and evolve yourself. If you’ve always wanted to take up a sport or a hobby, do it now! If you’ve been meaning to visit a friend or relative in Norway, take that trip now! If you have personal projects to dive into (like your taxes or redecorating a room), use this time to do those things.

Getting over a break up is difficult, painful, and takes time. There are no short cuts, but you can do it! Let me know if you have any more questions. 🙂

[TheRealist]

I understand these ideas, the giving each other space thing has been attempted but we live together and do a lot of activities together. I’m gonna start by maybe flaking on phone calls and texts, but it’s rather hard to get away completely.

I have goals and projects and things to work on, but this breakup thing is kind of looming over me and has now created mental blocks. We spend so much time together it’s hard to get away. I’m not very outgoing because typically I would rather stay home and just chill with my other half because it’s turned into a vacuum of a comfort zone.

We have talked about taking a break again somewhat recently, and she actually told me I just have to say the word and she’ll move out. Way to put that in my hands.

It also all seems pretty unfair because I’m so anti social now that she talks to my friends and family more than I do, because this stuff has kind of been depressing me. I’m pretty unmotivated. I just need some courage I guess. Courage to put an end to the life we have built together. Since she doesn’t have any friends of her own (besides mine) I don’t even know who is going to help her move. The Thought of it all is nerve wracking!

And just as a side note, we are very good communicators. She essentially knows how I feel since I’ve been pretty open, it’s just how do I tell someone now that I just want them out of my life so I can get my shit together?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If you want to break up with her, then start by moving out. 😉 If you don’t, it sure doesn’t look like you want to. Then, stop doing activities with her. 😯 Maybe you didn’t read my advice…. but it started out with boundaries. If you’re not willing to impose them, then you may not really want the help you say you do. 😉 When someone’s words and behaviors don’t match, I always say, trust the behavior. It doesn’t sound like you want to break up. 😕

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