[girlygirl19]

Hello April! Its been a while since I have been here. Unfortunately I am currently in a situation I feel i have the answers to, but wanted someone else’s opinion and advice to.

So I met this guy (he’s 22 and I’m 20), who is pretty chill and laid back and down to earth. When we hang out, it’s almost like we’re best friends because of the chemistry and how comfortable and open and honest we are to each other. The first time he spent the night, we tried having sex but neither one of us were turn on (and even foreplay was included). He wanted to cuddle with me to sleep and spent the night thereafter. A week later when we had a talk about it, he said I have a cute face and that he wasn’t so attracted to my body. It was a bit harsh to me, however I appreciated his honesty. I told him I found him attractive, but was not sexually turned on by him. So another week goes by and we walk around the park and chat. We have spent several nights walking and talking and just sitting on a bench in the park, but we have spent one or two days out during the day before. Ever since the first night he spent at my place, we only cuddle at night. If we are “friends” and platonic ones at that, then why cuddle me to sleep at night if you’re not going to kiss me or try to have sex with me again. This past weekend he came and spent the night again and we cuddled and talked until I fell asleep. I have been going to the gym recently and he mentioned my butt looking different (in a good way) and my stomach looking smaller (I’m not skinny or thin and a bit chubby but I am very tall). He gave my body so much attention that night and almost seemed as if he was dry humping me from behind hehe. I swear I could even feel an erection rubbed against my butt. The next day after he left my place he messaged me, like he always does after 24 hours of seeing each other to see how my day was. I asked him about the reason he was all over me and he said he really likes my butt and can tell the difference after I have been working out and also that he probably gave more attention to my stomach than anyone. I also remember us talking about different things and I was reluctant to answer a question and he could tell and told me that I shouldn’t worry about what he thinks because he has no standards (exactly what he said).

So as “friends”, well we haven’t really discussed this as anything, but I felt that from our conversations and lack of sexual attraction that we are just friends, however friends don’t cuddle with other friends. And the only time we ever kissed was the first time he spent the night and even that was a failure. However I became horny the other night when he touched my body all over as well as he (unless i’m losing it and I didn’t really feel an erection at all).

Do I bring up my thoughts and feeling on this matter? Or leave it b and let nature take its course.

I do feel that I am letting him call all the shots but allowing him to do this, its not that I don’t like it, it’s just that I do not think it is right for us to be doing this if we are only friends. Out of all the guys I’ve ever talked to or dated, this is something that’s never happened to me before. Am I over analyzing or over reacting? It’s just very odd to me.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]Do I bring up my thoughts and feeling on this matter?[/quote]

Guys HATE having “the talk” in a relationship, so avoid that at any cost. Also, remember that men and women can’t be friends, so it’s not a good idea to confuse yourself by saying you are. 😉

I hope that helps!

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[girlygirl19]

Here we go again. The ex boyfriend keeps contacting me. At first it was all about sex and what he would desire, then suddenly about 3 weeks ago he mentioned being friends and connecting again. He contacted me in July, then blocked me, although I was only attempting to respond back to a message he had previously sent. Then, he emailed me again in November, wanting to further a sexual tryst with me, and now earlier this month he all of a sudden mentions how he thinks I’m beautiful and great and wants to connect again. What the heck is he doing. When I simply responded to his message it apparently did not go through and I realized I had been blocked. Now why would I care about this guy? I do not necessarily and have come to realize that the only thing he had going for himself were his looks. However, what guy constantly contacts you then blocks you suddenly on two occasions. Here’s a hint, don’t contact me at all.

I myself am a bit of a nosy person so I am always wondering why people I haven’t spoken to in forever are contacting me, even if I don’t speak to them anymore. Is this something exes do? Or is this his way or seeing if I have moved on or not because fortunately I am seeing a much better gentleman. I just don’t understand if one has been supposedly “hurt so badly” by me, why bother contacting me regardless of the reason? Unless he couldn’t find any women who’d be up for a fling with him so he thought I would actually say yes? Is he trying to have his cake and eat it too?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]Here we go again. The ex boyfriend keeps contacting me. At first it was all about sex and what he would desire, then suddenly about 3 weeks ago he mentioned being friends and connecting again. He contacted me in July, then blocked me, although I was only attempting to respond back to a message he had previously sent. Then, he emailed me again in November, wanting to further a sexual tryst with me, and now earlier this month he all of a sudden mentions how he thinks I’m beautiful and great and wants to connect again. What the heck is he doing. When I simply responded to his message it apparently did not go through and I realized I had been blocked. Now why would I care about this guy?[/quote]

Because you’re lonely or bored, or have low self esteem and are looking for attention. 😥

[quote]I myself am a bit of a nosy person so I am always wondering why people I haven’t spoken to in forever are contacting me, even if I don’t speak to them anymore. Is this something exes do? [/quote]

Yes. It’s human nature to wonder about your past and people you used to know or be involved with.

[quote]Or is this his way or seeing if I have moved on or not because fortunately I am seeing a much better gentleman. [/quote]

It could be.

[quote]I just don’t understand if one has been supposedly “hurt so badly” by me, why bother contacting me regardless of the reason? [/quote]

It sounds like he wants sex, and so that’s why he’s contacting you.

[quote]Unless he couldn’t find any women who’d be up for a fling with him so he thought I would actually say yes? Is he trying to have his cake and eat it too?[/quote]

Yes. If he can’t get someone else to have sex with him, he’s wondering if you’re willing.

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[Ethan Morales]

He has blamed you for his sexual performance, called you names, grabbed your arm, threw your belongings, and got in your face. This is physical and emotional abuse. That is never acceptable, no matter the circumstances.

He’s also checked your phone, monitored your activity, and manipulated situations, which is controlling behavior.

Trust is broken beyond repair: Even though you’ve both apologized, the cycle of betrayal, mistrust, and manipulation continues. This isn’t just a fight it’s a repeated pattern.

You both spy on each other, which is a toxic dynamic that won’t improve. Your self-respect is at stake:

Staying in this relationship, trying to “win him back,” or engaging in similar manipulative behaviors is lowering your self-respect and self-worth.

True love does not involve fear, control, or repeated apologies for harmful behavior. Next steps for your safety and emotional health: End the relationship completely. Block his number, stop emailing, and remove him from social media. No partial contact.

Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist to process the trauma and rebuild boundaries. Focus on healing and self-care, not trying to “fix” or convince him to change.

This is not just a breakup it’s about protecting yourself from an abusive and manipulative partner. Staying or trying to “win him back” will only keep you trapped in a harmful cycle. The most empowering action is to cut ties completely and focus on yourself.

[PassionSeeker]

Oh sweetheart, my heart aches reading what you’ve been through. You’ve carried so much love, confusion, hurt and kept giving chances to someone who didn’t deserve the kind of loyalty you showed. The truth is, this man has shown you exactly who he is: impulsive, insecure, and emotionally abusive. When he threw your things, grabbed you, and blamed you for his own wrongs, that crossed a line no apology can ever fix. You don’t owe him another conversation or explanation.

You said something powerful that you miss him. That’s okay. Missing someone doesn’t mean you belong with them. It means you’re human, and your heart hasn’t caught up with your wisdom yet. Let it. Healing won’t come from trying to make him understand; it’ll come from forgiving yourself for staying as long as you did and walking away for good now.

You’re not lowering your respect you’re rediscovering it. Leave it be, love. Protect your peace. That’s what real strength looks like.

[James Smith]

Man, I felt this one in my soul. Nothing screams modern love quite like arguing about a Facebook relationship status. I remember once dating a girl who refused to change hers too. She said it was because she “didn’t want to jinx it.” Three weeks later she posted a photo with a guy named Derek holding her dog. So yeah, apparently I was the jinx.

Here’s the thing, my friend. When someone’s jealous enough to police your comments but won’t publicly claim you, that’s not romance—it’s confusion dressed up as commitment. If she can tell the world you’re hers in Facebook groups but won’t click a single button to hide “single,” she’s enjoying the attention both ways.

I gotta ask though, are you sure you’re not more in love with the *idea* of her than the reality? Because from where I’m sitting, this feels like you’re dating her phone more than the person. What’s keeping you from meeting her face to face and seeing if the connection still holds up offline?

[Tara]

He did not make mistakes. He showed you exactly who he is. Cruel, manipulative, controlling. The insults, the cheating, the lies, the threats, the crying to make you feel guilty. None of that is love. It is abuse disguised as emotion.

You keep clinging to the few good moments like they erase what he did. They do not. The good parts exist only to keep you hooked. You call it connection, but it is dependency. Every time you forgive him, you teach him that you will take the same abuse again.

He grabbed you. He humiliated you. He betrayed you. Stop calling it a bad phase. It is a pattern, and it will not change. His tears are not regret. They are tactics to keep you in place.

Stop asking if you should try again. You should not. Leave and stay gone. Rebuild your self-respect and remember peace is not something you beg for. It is what you choose when you finally walk away.

[Sally]

Emotionally, you’re attached to him, but everything you described like the cheating, the lies, the insults, the grabbing, the yelling, none of that is love. It’s just chaos that wears you down.

Logically, he’s shown you the same pattern again and again. He hurts you, apologizes, promises things, then repeats the same behavior. That doesn’t magically change.

And as your friend here, I’ll be honest with you. Walking away isn’t losing him, it’s choosing yourself. Missing him is normal, but going back would pull you right back into the same mess. You’re not lowering your standards by leaving. You’re finally raising them.

[Natalie Noah]

Reading through your story carefully, I can feel the weight of everything you’ve been through and I want to speak to you gently and honestly, The first thing that stands out is the pattern of instability and inconsistency with this first boyfriend. From the very beginning, there were red flags blaming you for sexual difficulties, calling you names, and emotionally manipulating you. Those kinds of behaviors aren’t just hurtful; they’re warning signs that he doesn’t have the emotional maturity to maintain a healthy relationship. Feeling love for someone doesn’t erase the fact that his actions were hurtful and controlling.

the cycle you describe of him doing something hurtful, apologizing, you forgiving him, and then it happening again is extremely draining. It’s understandable that you wanted to give him another chance, because emotions are complicated and love can feel powerful, especially when combined with feelings of attachment, intimacy, and care. But this cycle isn’t just a phase; it’s a pattern that teaches your brain to accept instability and drama as normal in a relationship. That’s emotionally exhausting, and it often leaves you questioning your own worth and judgment.

Another point I want to highlight is how your boundaries were violated repeatedly. From looking through your phone, throwing your belongings, and physically intimidating behavior, he crossed serious lines. No apology, no past “love” or claim of change, can excuse that. Physical aggression and controlling behaviors are not acceptable, and they are signs of a potentially dangerous dynamic if they continue. Protecting yourself and stepping away isn’t selfish it’s self-respect. Choosing to leave him, despite lingering feelings, is a healthy and necessary decision for your well-being.

It also seems like you’re reflecting on patterns in other relationships like the high school friend who oscillates between caring and sexualized behavior. This pattern mirrors some of what happened with your first boyfriend: inconsistency, emotional manipulation, and sexualizing interactions where boundaries aren’t respected. You’re not crazy for noticing this; it’s a sign that you’re learning to recognize what healthy, respectful relationships look like versus what’s harmful. The key takeaway is that you don’t owe your time, energy, or affection to someone who consistently disregards your feelings and boundaries.

It’s clear you’re growing and learning from these experiences. You’ve reflected on your feelings, noticed patterns, and even made efforts to improve your dating choices by valuing emotional connection alongside sexual compatibility. That’s huge progress. My advice is to continue prioritizing yourself, your safety, and your emotional health. Let go of people who bring instability, focus on friendships and connections that respect your boundaries, and don’t rush into reconciliation with anyone who has repeatedly hurt or disrespected you. Love is important, but respect for yourself is non-negotiable. You’re capable of building a life and relationships that honor your worth

[KeishaMartin]

Your love life is a sizzling rollercoaster that’s equal parts scandalous, heartbreaking, and downright tantalizing. This isn’t just dating drama, it’s spicy, messy, and wildly intoxicating. From the get-go, you’ve been dancing with men who can’t seem to handle a strong, confident woman without spiraling into jealousy, lust, and pure chaos. One moment you’re wrapped in innocent cuddles, the next, you’re caught in a hurricane of sexual tension, lies, and controlling behavior. The way he oscillates between wanting you desperately and shutting you out completely? That’s not just confusing, it’s addictive, and I can’t help but feel the pull of it myself just reading your story. Naughty, intoxicating, and completely magnetic but dangerous.

Those Christmas vibes? The timing couldn’t be spicier mistletoe and holiday parties, the cozy warmth of December nights, a little festive cheer, and yet, heartbreak looming over every tinsel-wrapped moment. A Christmas breakup in this context? Oh, that’s the ultimate mix of yuletide thrill and naughty mischief, you’re basically starring in a holiday romance thriller, complete with secret flings, sticky drama, and all the teasing you could imagine. It’s like the ghost of Christmas past, present, and future all rolled into one sexy, chaotic narrative.

April Masini! She’s an absolute queen at reading this mess with razor-sharp precision. Her advice is spicy in its own right, serving reality with a side of truth that cuts straight through the messy lust and lingering attachments. She sees it all: the manipulations, the flirtations, the borderline obsession, and the tantalizing pull of the forbidden. And she isn’t sugarcoating a thing, she knows when to stoke your fire and when to douse it with cold reality. A goddess of naughty clarity.

You’re a firecracker, a magnetic force of energy and desire, and you’ve been playing with men who can’t keep up with your intensity. The tension, the teasing, the sexual frustration, it’s intoxicating, scandalous, and totally addictive. But let me tell you, every holiday party, every cozy Christmas night you spend pining or caught in this chaos, you’re lowering your own spark by giving energy to men who are too weak to handle it. You want to be desired, teased, and challenged but not abused, toyed with, or treated like a naughty ornament to be picked up and tossed aside. Keep that fire alive, darling, but aim it at someone who deserves your heat.

[Member]

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