[girlygirl19]

Hello April! Its been a while since I have been here. Unfortunately I am currently in a situation I feel i have the answers to, but wanted someone else’s opinion and advice to.

So I met this guy (he’s 22 and I’m 20), who is pretty chill and laid back and down to earth. When we hang out, it’s almost like we’re best friends because of the chemistry and how comfortable and open and honest we are to each other. The first time he spent the night, we tried having sex but neither one of us were turn on (and even foreplay was included). He wanted to cuddle with me to sleep and spent the night thereafter. A week later when we had a talk about it, he said I have a cute face and that he wasn’t so attracted to my body. It was a bit harsh to me, however I appreciated his honesty. I told him I found him attractive, but was not sexually turned on by him. So another week goes by and we walk around the park and chat. We have spent several nights walking and talking and just sitting on a bench in the park, but we have spent one or two days out during the day before. Ever since the first night he spent at my place, we only cuddle at night. If we are “friends” and platonic ones at that, then why cuddle me to sleep at night if you’re not going to kiss me or try to have sex with me again. This past weekend he came and spent the night again and we cuddled and talked until I fell asleep. I have been going to the gym recently and he mentioned my butt looking different (in a good way) and my stomach looking smaller (I’m not skinny or thin and a bit chubby but I am very tall). He gave my body so much attention that night and almost seemed as if he was dry humping me from behind hehe. I swear I could even feel an erection rubbed against my butt. The next day after he left my place he messaged me, like he always does after 24 hours of seeing each other to see how my day was. I asked him about the reason he was all over me and he said he really likes my butt and can tell the difference after I have been working out and also that he probably gave more attention to my stomach than anyone. I also remember us talking about different things and I was reluctant to answer a question and he could tell and told me that I shouldn’t worry about what he thinks because he has no standards (exactly what he said).

So as “friends”, well we haven’t really discussed this as anything, but I felt that from our conversations and lack of sexual attraction that we are just friends, however friends don’t cuddle with other friends. And the only time we ever kissed was the first time he spent the night and even that was a failure. However I became horny the other night when he touched my body all over as well as he (unless i’m losing it and I didn’t really feel an erection at all).

Do I bring up my thoughts and feeling on this matter? Or leave it b and let nature take its course.

I do feel that I am letting him call all the shots but allowing him to do this, its not that I don’t like it, it’s just that I do not think it is right for us to be doing this if we are only friends. Out of all the guys I’ve ever talked to or dated, this is something that’s never happened to me before. Am I over analyzing or over reacting? It’s just very odd to me.

[Ask April Masini]

[quote]Do I bring up my thoughts and feeling on this matter?[/quote]

Guys HATE having “the talk” in a relationship, so avoid that at any cost. Also, remember that men and women can’t be friends, so it’s not a good idea to confuse yourself by saying you are. 😉

I hope that helps!

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[girlygirl19]

Here we go again. The ex boyfriend keeps contacting me. At first it was all about sex and what he would desire, then suddenly about 3 weeks ago he mentioned being friends and connecting again. He contacted me in July, then blocked me, although I was only attempting to respond back to a message he had previously sent. Then, he emailed me again in November, wanting to further a sexual tryst with me, and now earlier this month he all of a sudden mentions how he thinks I’m beautiful and great and wants to connect again. What the heck is he doing. When I simply responded to his message it apparently did not go through and I realized I had been blocked. Now why would I care about this guy? I do not necessarily and have come to realize that the only thing he had going for himself were his looks. However, what guy constantly contacts you then blocks you suddenly on two occasions. Here’s a hint, don’t contact me at all.

I myself am a bit of a nosy person so I am always wondering why people I haven’t spoken to in forever are contacting me, even if I don’t speak to them anymore. Is this something exes do? Or is this his way or seeing if I have moved on or not because fortunately I am seeing a much better gentleman. I just don’t understand if one has been supposedly “hurt so badly” by me, why bother contacting me regardless of the reason? Unless he couldn’t find any women who’d be up for a fling with him so he thought I would actually say yes? Is he trying to have his cake and eat it too?

[Ask April Masini]

[quote]Here we go again. The ex boyfriend keeps contacting me. At first it was all about sex and what he would desire, then suddenly about 3 weeks ago he mentioned being friends and connecting again. He contacted me in July, then blocked me, although I was only attempting to respond back to a message he had previously sent. Then, he emailed me again in November, wanting to further a sexual tryst with me, and now earlier this month he all of a sudden mentions how he thinks I’m beautiful and great and wants to connect again. What the heck is he doing. When I simply responded to his message it apparently did not go through and I realized I had been blocked. Now why would I care about this guy?[/quote]

Because you’re lonely or bored, or have low self esteem and are looking for attention. 😥

[quote]I myself am a bit of a nosy person so I am always wondering why people I haven’t spoken to in forever are contacting me, even if I don’t speak to them anymore. Is this something exes do? [/quote]

Yes. It’s human nature to wonder about your past and people you used to know or be involved with.

[quote]Or is this his way or seeing if I have moved on or not because fortunately I am seeing a much better gentleman. [/quote]

It could be.

[quote]I just don’t understand if one has been supposedly “hurt so badly” by me, why bother contacting me regardless of the reason? [/quote]

It sounds like he wants sex, and so that’s why he’s contacting you.

[quote]Unless he couldn’t find any women who’d be up for a fling with him so he thought I would actually say yes? Is he trying to have his cake and eat it too?[/quote]

Yes. If he can’t get someone else to have sex with him, he’s wondering if you’re willing.

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[PassionSeeker]

Oh sweetheart, my heart aches reading what you’ve been through. You’ve carried so much love, confusion, hurt and kept giving chances to someone who didn’t deserve the kind of loyalty you showed. The truth is, this man has shown you exactly who he is: impulsive, insecure, and emotionally abusive. When he threw your things, grabbed you, and blamed you for his own wrongs, that crossed a line no apology can ever fix. You don’t owe him another conversation or explanation.

You said something powerful that you miss him. That’s okay. Missing someone doesn’t mean you belong with them. It means you’re human, and your heart hasn’t caught up with your wisdom yet. Let it. Healing won’t come from trying to make him understand; it’ll come from forgiving yourself for staying as long as you did and walking away for good now.

You’re not lowering your respect you’re rediscovering it. Leave it be, love. Protect your peace. That’s what real strength looks like.

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