[Anonymous]

i’ve been dating a guy for four years. we’ve broken up twice because, honestly, we both needed to grow a little. this is our third attempt and things were going pretty good…until i asked the eeeeeek (nails on the chalk board question for a guy) question if we had kids would i be able to stay home with them to raise them. his immediate answer was no. there was not follow up to why he felt this way so i am to assume for now that there is no compromises to that. i’m two years from 40 and this may no be an issue as i think my days are numbered. i had asked long ago if he wanted kids and that was a yes, but i didn’t ask the other question at that time. aside from this…in our conversations he seems very content on continuing to live with his mother. he has lived on his own before when he went off to school in another state, but came back to his home town leaving a condo he doesn’t want to let go and had used that reason as to why he is living with his mother. he has found a renter since then so there is no longer the excuse of not being able to afford his own place at the moment. i’m just beginning to feel like 1) i waited way too long to ask that 2nd question 2) he doesn’t plan on moving out anytime soon which i feel is hopeless for me to feel like he is ready for even a serious relationship.

so my question for you this time around is .. is being on different pages regarding how we want to raise our kid (should it be possible to have one) a deal breaker? are we wasting our time?

i obviously care very much about him and am very committed to our relationship to turn away other prospects but i just felt very disregarded. at first i thought i was upset at the answer being no but i think it might be because he didn’t even consider me or my feelings.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Oh, dear. 😳 You’re 38, you’ve been dating this guy for [u]4 years[/u] 😯, you want kids, and you [b]just [/b]found out that he doesn’t want to raise them the same way you do?! 😮 I wish you had bought and read my book for women, Think & Date Like A Man, [u]four years ago[/u]! And I SINCERELY hope you’ll read it now. It’s $8.99, and downloads automatically (or you can buy it on the websites for Barnes & Noble and Amazon) right here: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. I don’t just try to hawk books — I write and sell them because they will help you — A LOT more than I can here.

First of all, you may or may not be too old to have kids. But given the fact that you’re pushing up against 40 and you want kids, DON’T WASTE ANY MORE TIME WITH UNAVAILABLE MEN WHO ARE MR. WRONG! 😯

Second of all, it’s really important — ESPECIALLY at your age — to be clear about what you want in your life and to communicate to the guy to see if you’re compatible. If you had done this in the couple of months of dating, you wouldn’t have wasted YEARS with this guy. Your description of your asking for what you wanted telegraphs a lot of insecurity on the issue. Why do you think that what you want isn’t worth asking for?? Or did you really know what he was going to say and put off the question for as long as possible? This is NOT a nails on the chalkboard question for a guy who wants the mother of his children to stay home and raise the kids. In fact, it’s a raise the champagne flute, I finally found a compatible mother for my future children question. 😉

Third of all, that your boyfriend has moved back in with his mother and has no plans to move out, at is age of 30 or 40 — is a sign that he is NOT ready for a serious relationship with you. After four years, he should be moving in with YOU! Not her.

You’re upset because he didn’t consider your feelings?? How about YOU considering your feelings, and getting back out there and finding a man who WANTS to date, marry and make a family with you! You don’t have a lot of time, so my advice is to download Think & Date Out of Your League, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], tonight! Read it! Break up with this Mr. Wrong you’ve been wasting a good part of your prime child bearing years with, and follow the book! Do what it says, and if you do, you WILL find Mr. Right and you WILL get married and have kids — but you have to be brutally honest with yourself, and that’s for starters.

I hope that helps and that you do the right thing!

See you @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[Anonymous]

thank you, April. it is an eye opener, disappointment, and a lesson. i should know better! if a man isn’t ready to talk openly about it and not shy away from it he obviously isn’t mature enough for me. and i need to get some balls and be clear about what i want. life is too precious for games, games i’m not willing to play.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I really hope you’ll buy and read Think & Date Like A Man because it is a perfect book for you to get that crash course you need for a quick and effective change in your dating behavior. It also helps fund this free advice website! Here’s the link: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. You can also get it on the websites for Barnes & Noble and Amazon.

See you @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. 😀

[Member]

Posts