[kk08]

Okay April, I need help so bad! I am 21 years old and my boyfriend is 26. We’ve known each other for a very long time (he’s on of my older brother’s friends) and I thought he was perfect for me. I tried to be with him for almost 2 years but he didn’t want a serious relationship. And then I found out I was pregnant. I told him and he then said he wanted to be with me after he had pushed me away for a long time. Now we have been together for one year and living together. I have a 3 year old daughter from a previous relationship and she’s stuck in the middle. She does not like him.. Well really it’s because he’s not very nice to her and really doesn’t have anything to do with her. There’s never really been a happy time in our relationship because he never wants to compromise, and he pays no attention to the children. He’s constantly nagging at me ALL of the time even though I do EVERYTHING for this guy. All he has to do is go to work, and I do the rest. We also have no sex life! That’s been dimming down for six months now. I finally got sick of it, and I cheated 🙁 I feel horrible, but at the same time I love having someone to make me feel like I’m worth something (which the guy I cheated with does.) My boyfriend now shows no emotions ever. He never compliments me, or really lets me know he cares. I really adore the guy that I’ve cheated with, but I also feel bad about wanting to leave my boyfriend because he really is a great guy, I’m just not in love with him and also because we have a son together. What do I do?! I’ve told him for a very long time how unhappy I am and he says he is “trying” but I really haven’t seen any effort put forth. I’m trying to get a job right now so I don’t have to rely on him financially but that’s another reason why I’m still here. This guy is so worried about going out with his friends and getting drunk all of the time, when he has a family at home!!! Ugh what do I do? My family says I need to stay with him for the kids and try to make it work… but the kids aren’t happy either. I’m getting pushed and pulled in a hundred different directions it feels like and I just don’t know what to do!

Any advice would help and thank you for reading!!!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

First of all, stop cheating. You have two children with two different men and no husband, and you’re living with the father of your son who is supporting you financially, while you have no job. If you didn’t have children, I’d give you different advice, but because you have a three year old and a newborn, your first priority is no longer you. It’s the children. So don’t bring another man into this family you’ve created, by way of cheating and lying. The boyfriend you’re living with tried to do the right thing when you got pregnant. Now, you have to meet him at least halfway.

I know you think he never wants to compromise, but by moving in with you and supporting you and your daughter and the son you have together, he’s making a big move towards taking care of you. That’s a compromise. My advice is that you try to make this work and find things about him that are worthy and that you can respect — and even love.

Start making sure you look your best — I know you have to take care of children, but it sounds like your parents are in the picture, so ask them to babysit now and then so you can exercise, give yourself a makeover and try and be attractive, flirtatious, loving and not just a good girlfriend, but a good mother. Make your house a home and do the best you can with what you’ve got to give these children a family.

If your daughter’s father isn’t in the picture, make sure you collect child support so your boyfriend isn’t supporting your daughter on his own. Try and get her father to have visitation and maybe even some custody with her as she gets older — she’ll probably be happier if she sees her biological dad as well as your boyfriend, too. If you can establish a relationship with her father for her sake, that will help a lot.

I hope that helps. I know it’s hard work, but you can do it, and sacrifice is part of life.

Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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