[Anonymous]

Here’s the scenario. I recently caught up with a girl who I had met 5 years ago. I saw her once about 2 years ago when I told her I was getting married. (which didnt happen). I broke up with my ex a few months ago and when i told this girl i was single, she immediately wanted to catch up. She broke up with a man who cheated on her two weeks before i saw her.

So we did catch up – went out for a couple of drinks and before long we shared kisses. Over the next week, I saw her a few times at her house and had sex twice, which was fantastic. At this point she told me that she was disappointed when i told her i was getting married 2 years earlier and that she liked me.

Anyway, a couple of days later, she got a week off to spend with her son and we caught up for 3 more dates, sharing kisses. I told her I like her and she said she was still getting over what her ex did to her but wants to keep dating me and said “see what happens, take it slow and doesnt wanna rush things” (which im totally happy with that)

She has booked a holiday for the two of us for my birthday in a months time. Which leads me to this:

Does this girl want something exclusive with me?
Am I just a rebound man?
What would be going thru her mind?

My gut feeling is that she is keen, but wants to do it right. Am I wrong and is she not keen?

Ladies, any help with my question would be great

Genuine answers please

i am genuinely interested in this girl.

[Anonymous]

I believe that she is most definitely interested in you. The fact that she booked a holiday says it all. I am not sure how interested she is though… I thnk that the holiday will be her way of seeing how you two relate outside of the norm and whether or not things should get serious.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

She was burned by an ex, and is still healing, which is why she’s reluctant. However, having booked a vacation for the two of you is a real vote of confidence on her part. She’s telling you she wants to take it slow because that’s her way of asking you not to hurt her. My advice is to go forward, and be sensitive, but keep your eye on the prize. 😀

Let me know how it goes, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter.

[Anonymous]

Hi. An update on my situation.

Tonight, I messaged her saying ‘hope your having a good night’.

She replied, ‘day was shit, having ex problems again and wishes she didn’t have to live here (in the town she works away in) and sorry but dont feel like talking.’

I said ‘sorry to hear about her day, i am here for you if you wanna chat anytime’

to be honest, im not sure what to do.

considering what has gone on up until now, i need some assistance with this one.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Take it slow. Give her a little space. If she continues to stay involved with her ex so that his presence challenges your relationship with her, then accept that she’s not available to be in a relationship with you. But if she just needs a little space now and then, that’s not a big problem.

[Anonymous]

Thanks April. Everything she has told me about her ex, she despises him and doesn’t want anything to do with him.

I didn’t want to pressure her today or tonight, so i sent her a message saying that i hope she had a good day and to call me if/when she would like to talk to me. No response – I havent heard from her all day. I know she would have read what I sent her – and to get no response from her is making my mind spin. It would be easier to hear that she is not interested, but cause she hasnt said that. makes me think that she is interested, but just needs some time to herself.

So I ask:
Does she like me, and want time to herself?
How long is a good time to leave it before contacting her or should i wait until she contacts me?

Its a tough situation to be in. And I just want to do the right thing by her.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Behavior is a better indicator of feelings than words, so while she says she’s having ex-trouble and “despises” her ex, it sure sounds like she’s still engaged with him. You didn’t mention whether this ex is an ex-boyfriend or an ex-husband. If it’s an ex-boyfriend, it’s hard to understand why she’s still involved emotionally or otherwise with him, but if her ex is an ex-husband and they share custody of the son you mentioned, then it sounds like he’s going to be in her life at least until the child is 18 and most likely beyond that, too.

In that case, you have to decide whether or not she is actually available, emotionally — and socially. Some people take a very long time to get over their divorces, and when there is custody involved, that relationship between exes can fester for a long, long time. Some people test the dating waters, only to find out that they’re still too engaged in their ex relationships to allow a new relationship to flourish. Some people find new partners who embrace the ex relationship because they have matching emotional and social baggage and there’s not just an understanding of what the other person is going through, but parallel relationship dynamics.

You’re getting to know her, and while you want things to go a certain way, you’d be wise to hang back and stop calling her so much. Ask her on dates, and if she goes, great, but if she doesn’t, know that she’s not ready (or willing) to be in a relationship with you (or maybe anyone) right now.

I hope that helps, and that you’re following me @AskAprilcom on Twitter. 😀

[Member]

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