[Anonymous]

Hi April. First time on here and it’s good to see that you speak your mind while solving problems, so I’ll be interested to know what your answer is to this one!

I’ve been getting quite concerned lately as I don’t seem to enjoy sex anymore, but feel that I should. I’m male and I’m wondering what on earth is going wrong at the moment. I’ve discovered this is a common trait which applies to the 3 year relationship I was in about 8 months ago, and more recently from a much more casual encounter.

When I have been enjoying sex I have found that I enjoyed the act of giving rather than receiving, so it tends to be a bit goal-oriented frankly! While I enjoy giving the female pleasure, it’s not something I expect to benefit to me. Truth is, I can live with that even if I don’t really want to, and already have done for some time, but the problem is, if I am not enjoying it, I am quite clearly not going to keep an erection for very long! Giving oral sex seems to help a lot since girls seem to enjoy it a lot and I get turned on as a result. However there is only so much that can happen. In the last encounter, it was on and off for several hours so sex was pretty intermittent to say the least. There is only so long that I can keep this up until the female becomes insecure. This is extremely frustrating to me as I am very much attracted to the girls I have had sex with and I just want them to know I feel that way about them rather than confuse their feelings. Really I should be enjoying it, but at the very least they should be able to have fun even If I don’t come! I have a feeling that it will need to be mutual of course, but I’m sure you can appreciate the intention in what I’m saying. An interesting point is that I have rarely come through sex unless she is on top. A search on Google indicates this isn’t a commonly mentioned thing for thing for guys if it is actually a well known problem? This isn’t a problem in a long-term relationship, but I’ve been enjoying the freedom of being single for a while and it isn’t exactly something I’m inclined to ask for directly on a one-night stand.

It probably is worth mentioning that I had some surgery a few years ago where desensitisation (around 20% from what I’m told) to sex is a side-effect. It was absolutely necessary to do that, as before that I made the mistake of not letting on I was having pain during sex for a period of around 6 months, so I don’t want to make the same blunder of not telling with an issue like this now that I realise it is actually an issue. There must be something I can try that hasn’t yet occurred to me? Withstanding pain for the 6 months before that surgery wasn’t exactly pleasant, but I could still get and keep an erection then have sex for at least half an hour before pain became an issue which actually prevented me from continuing. Surely this should be a walk in the park by comparison!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It’s hard to give you advice without knowing your age, and why you had the surgery. But your first stop should be in your medical doctor’s office where you need to be very up front and honest with him about the details of your situation. Let the doctor tell you if it’s normal, and if so, perhaps there is a medical solution to your situation.

After you get some medical help — because I strongly suspect your doctor can help you with this first — I’m happy to help you with relationship advice given all the solutions and diagnoses your doctor can provide.

I look forward to hearing from you again.

In the meantime, check out my newly forming Facebook Group called AskApril.com on FB at this link: [url][/url]. You can become a member for free! 😀

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the advice April. 🙂

Turns out this one wasn’t obvious, but I’ve finally managed to get to the bottom of it! It was nothing to do with the surgery, but rather a long term medical condition that triggered something not so obvious. I’m 23 and have had diabetes for 17 years. Turns out after having it for so long I just got a little bit lax about controlling it. It’s in the very early stages, so the solution is simple: I just need to control my diabetes a little bit better than I have been doing – the way I used to before a couple of years ago – and the problem will go away.

It’s due to something called Diabetic Autonomic Neuropathy:

Not expecting any kind of help or advice with this one obviously – just posting it up to let you know what happened and in case it helps someone else. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Well, I’m certainly glad you got the medical diagnosis for your problem and can now start to treat it with a medical doctor’s care. 😀

Good luck!!

And join me on Facebook at AskApril.com on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. I’d love for you to become a member. 😀

[Member]

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