Hello April,
I emailed you last summer and you gave me great advice about a girl I was dating. I’m happy to say that we are going strong and very much in love. It’s been 11 months now since we started dating and we are taking our first trip together next week to an all inclusive resort in costa rica!
I’m 32 yrs old, and my g/f is now 41. Here’s my concern. Before she and I met, she was engaged but her fiance cheated on her. After that was over, she met a much younger guy (about 23-24yr old in a club) and they were basically friends /w benefits for several months then that ended. Then later, she and I met, we dated for 4 months and then she decided she wanted to be serious w/ me and it’s been great since. Now within the last month or so, this same younger guy has been texting her trying to see her. She has told him all about me and he knows that she and I are together. He will text and invite her out to a bar, out for coffee etc. Her stance on this is she will not hang out with any guys unless she runs it by me first and I’m ok w/ it. That’s what she says.
So last week he asked her to meet up for a coffee and look at open houses (he’s in real estate and she loves real estate). She said she would text him and make plans. Soooo she tells me about this and basically I say I’m not comfortable with it, I do not think it’s a good idea for either one of us to hang out with ex’s, people we’ve dated, or former fu*k buddies when clearly they are available and still interested. So she and I got into a mildly heated discussion – she says she is not interested in him at all, and sees nothing wrong with hanging out as friends with this guy. My take on it is, and I said this, I totally believe and trust her, my issue is with him. Because he is clearly still interested in her, (he’ll text and say he misses her etc) I said if you hang out with him once, it will have a snowball effect where he will want to hang out more often, and contact you more often, and basically without knowing it, she would be leading him on…in a sense. Bottom line, I told her I wasn’t comfortable with it, and she agreed to not meet up with him. Am I TOTALLY overreacting?????? He’s 24-25 yrs old, when I was 24-25 I was dating/sleeping with women in their 40’s as well, so as a guy I tend to question his true intention. What do you think???
