[cdub11]

Hi april, i could really use some advice on how to help my boyfriend. Before we were together he had a bad experience with love. He had his heart broken by his best friend,she never treated him well and she took advantage of his good heart. After that had happened he tried other relationships but he always found a reason to end them. Ever since we have been together he has told me that hes never felt this way about anyone.He loves me very much and i love him. I am 20 and he 22, hes told his parents that he is going to marry me one day an d his parents were very surprised to hear those words come out of his mouth because they never thought he would find a girl thats perfect for him. I love his family and they really do like me,all of his friends tell me that they never thought he would last in a relationship for as long as we have been together(about a year) and that i must be the one for him. The problem in his other relationships was that,first the girls he dated drove him nuts and they weren’t right for each other,but he told me last night that hes so scared of having his heart broken again and right now hes at a point where he feels like i love him more than he loves me,because he doesn’t know how to let his feelings/love grow for me,its as if he shuts off at a certain point to protect himself. He says he doesn’t feel like a good boyfriend for not feeling the same way as i do.and i feel sad because i dont know what to tell him,to make him feel like its okay,and that we can work together to help him.He wants to work through it but he wants to be happy and be okay with how he feels at this point. Sometimes i feel like his feelings for me are just as strong as mine for him but he doesn’t seem to see it. his actions and words toward me show me that. what should i tell him to make him feel like this is something we can help and to help him overcome. How do i make him see how happy he makes me and that he really is a great boyfriend. I know he feels really alone because he feels like hes the only person in the world that feels this way,and he knows that that isn’t how i work,he knows i can love unconditionally with only a small amount of fear that doesn’t hold me back, i want him to feel confortable in his skin with this situation and i dont want him to feel trapped. Is there any advise you recommend me giving him? Thanks so much!

[CodenameD]

This comes from a fairly experienced guy who thinks you should just, have patience. He seems to have scars one after another. That will take time to heal. And you must give him that time. Don’t worry about losing him cuz he probably has more feelings for you than he can have feelings for anybody else right now. So he won’t go away. Give him some time to breathe and recover and he will be good as new. Of course he needs your care and affection on the way because that will not only heal him faster but make him confident about this relationship as well (make him comfortable with you). This may be some indefinite point in the future depending on how things goes but is worth the wait the way I see it.

Good luck. I’m sure patience is a virtue (I’m beginning to learn it right now!) and if you wait you two will be together completely in the future, I’m pretty sure.

Again, if you want a more professional reply, wait for April. That’s all I can say. All the best!

[Ask April Masini]

It sounds like your boyfriend is trying to get out of the relationship and he doesn’t know how to do it, so he’s saying all types of things to throw you off his true trail. 😕

It doesn’t make sense for him to tell you he’s afraid of getting his heart broken, and then telling you that he thinks you love him a lot more than he loves you. If the latter were true, he wouldn’t feel the former! 🙄 He doesn’t have the courage to break it off clean, so he’s trying to give you problems to solve — that are unsolvable.

He has a history of serial monogamy and there doesn’t seem to be a change so far. 😳 You didn’t mention how long you’ve dated, but I’m guessing that it’s about the same amount of time he’s dated the other women he’s broken up with.

My advice for you is to stop talking about the relationship and feelings. Men hate having “the talk” about the relationship and it has a tendency to confuse at least one party, and usually both. You’ll know if he wants to date you because he’ll act like he does. If you stop trying to be his psychologist, and instead, just be his girlfriend, you’ll get a much better idea of what’s going on in the relationship. 😉

Your boyfriend may not be ready to commit to you, but you’re looking for reasons not to believe this, so you’re conjuring up problems he has and trying to insinuate yourself into them. The bottom line is that if he treats you like his girlfriend, you’ll be his girlfriend, and if he doesn’t, you won’t be.

You have a choice in this scenario. I hope this helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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