Hi April,
Thanks for all the great advice you put on your site. Any insight you might have for me would be much appreciated. At the end of April a guy I met at a party asked me out. I was a month out of a really serious relationship and not really in a good place emotionally. I was also single for the first time in close to a decade (and I’m only 28). As a result, I broke many “first date rules” and think I scared him a little bit. I took his hints and stopped contacting him. We run in a similar social circle, however, so I would occasionally still see him at parties. Whenever this would happen (every couple of weeks or so), we generally would talk the whole time and do some making out. He told me he “didn’t know what he was looking for” and we rarely, if ever, communicated between parties. I pretty much wrote him off as a party make-out buddy and nothing more.
Fast forward to first week of June. I, not in one of my finer moments, had WAY too much to drink, ended up going home with him, and I slept with him. Since then we’ve been hooking up about once a week, but I’ve maintained the thought process that this guy was nothing more than a good time. Things, however, have slowly changed since we started hooking up. We generally only talk over text, but he initiates a LOT of them. We don’t really go out on “dates” but last time I came over he wanted to show me his new video game. I couldn’t stay the night last time (I usually do), and he seemed a little upset about it. He cuddles me a lot, kisses me on the head while we’re sleeping, tickles me when I’m not paying attention, stuff that is real affectionate and not congruent with what I thought he wanted.
I was talking to a mutual friend, one who we’ve both known for years. She said these things he’s doing shows he actually probably has feelings for me. She said he’s a super non-commital person who’s afraid of getting hurt, and that it takes him an incredible amount of time to warm up to people. She also said this is the most effort she’s seen him put into a girl in years. Now I’m starting to wonder about him, could this be true? Is it possible for the emotionally unavailable to slowly become available? I feel like all the advice columns I read tell me the same thing. It will never be more than what it is right now. Should I run away or see where things go? Thanks in advance for your thoughts!
