[confusedguy]

Hi,

I met this very insecure girl, and we ended up dating but things didnt work out after a few months and we went back to being friend, Then we ended up going on a holiday together a few months later and after we came back she said she only wanted to be friends but still really likes me.

We have hung out a few times since then and the other day I drove us out for the night (I have only recently got a license and almost 30) When we were leaving she paid for the parking and gave me the change for fuel, I joked around about the change for fuel and she muttered something and what I asked what she said she said dont worry which means I better worry hehehe, then we drove home.

The next day I realised she has always driven us around when we hang out and I haven’t offered her anything to show appreciation for it, except maybe buying her drinks or food while out sometimes. It made me feel stupid for not realising this before so I texted her saying I’m sorry about joking around about the change and realise how it would of made her feel, and I can now see that driving around isn’t cheap and I appreciated her offer as I can now see how driving around the costs add up.

She had said to me on holidays that if I give up smoking she will give up something that annoys me so as she is always one to keep stuff to herself then get really mad about it later on I added to the end of the message I don’t like when you dont say things that annoy you straight up but rather let it build up and get angry later on so please don’t do that.

She replied about how often she had driven from her hous to mine then to wherever we go and back again then home again, and it made her feel used and abused sometimes because I didn’t always offer money or say thankyou.

This is true so I apologised and said I did appreciate it and didn’t want her to feel that way, and that I will make sure I will tell her I do rather than just thinking it if we hang out.

Then she asked me to leave her alone for a while thanks??????????

I really didn’t mean to upset her or anything I just realised something and wanted to share it. Have I damaged the friendship because of that? I am extremely confused now!

[Ask April Masini]

You said yourself that she is a very insecure girl. So you have to understand that you chose someone to date who has some psychological and social problems that have nothing to do with you, and are not problems that you alone can fix. In fact, she doesn’t want you to fix her problems — she is comfortable being insecure, and this is what you’ve just found out!

When you decided to talk to her in a way that acknowledged her feelings and yours, and you looked for a new way of communicating with her that might have improved the relationship, she walked! She doesn’t way to communicate any differently or better. For whatever reason (that has nothing to do with you), she wants to be insecure and she doesn’t want to have an open, communicative relationship. You do.

Find someone else to date who is not insecure. You’ll have a better time, and so will she.

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