[confuzed_76]

I’m 33 and divorced with children. About a month ago I began dating a 30 year old man. He does not have any kids and has been in relationships with women much younger than myself. I’ve been dating him about a month and like him a lot. He asked me to add him to his facebook page, which I did, and I read very sweet comments he had posted about me to his friends and relatives for everyone to see. He also makes a point in making himself “present” on my page. I don’t know what his intentions are as far as his interest in a long term relationship, but I’m okay with just seeing how it goes. He constantly writes me and tells me that he likes me and is constantly sweet and loving.

His work recently took him on a trip out of the country. He wrote me and told me how he went out with a “friend” or co-worker. He also told me that he missed me and would call me soon. On his facebook page he wrote about his night out with his friend, giving her a cute nickname and implying that he was out late and had a lot of fun. Am I crazy or should I assume that he went on a “date” with her and is seeing other people? I’m okay with dating other people, but I’m concerned that he is implying that he wants more of a relationship with me when he doesn’t and that I’m coming across as a fool to anyone who reads our facebook pages. How should I handle this?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re confused because you’re in a different place in your life than your boyfriend is, so you have to use a little empathy to eliminate your confusion! 🙂

If your boyfriend is only 30, single, never married with kids, and is putting you up on Facebook with sweet comments about you to friends and relatives, then you need to assume that his night out with a work colleague on a work trip, was just that — a night out, and not necessarily a date. He needs to be able to live his life and feel free in order to give you a commitment. He may not necessarily see his night out on a work trip with a work colleague as anything more than what it was, and I think that after dating him only a month, and getting good feedback from him, you have to back off and assume the best.

Also, understand that a month of dating, for a single and never married 30 year old, is probably less of a commitment than it may seem to you who is 33, divorced and a single parent. There’s going to be a difference, not because of age so much, but because of life experience, and you’ll have to be patient because marrying for him is going to be a much bigger deal, never having done it, than it is for you, who’s done it already.

So, enjoy the dating, be aware, as you are and have been, and practice understanding what it must be like for him, so that you don’t jump to conclusions or push too hard in a way that sabotages the relationship.

[Member]

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