[Kjan]

My boyfriend, now ex is 37, I’m 31. We’ve only been dating for a couple of months but things got pretty serious pretty quick. I wanted to glow slow but he was a bit pushy and wanted to move faster. Long story short, everything was great, better than great. We went on trips together. Spent a lot of time together. Got along great. The only thing that I noticed was that he was really insecure. He was constantly telling me “don’t run”. If something scares you off, talk to me about it first before you “bail” on me. We started having problems the week before we broke up. I sent him a text that he took the wrong way. He jumped to the conclusion that I was dumping him when I wasn’t. But I can see how he took it that way. He got really upset with me and we went back and forth all week. We met up to talk a few days later and everything was good except he went on and on about how I can’t just up and dump him like that. He said it made him realize how fast this could all be over and he’s scared of getting hurt. (issues with his past) It was all really strange to me. The next morning he said “I can’t deal with this, I need space”. I was so confused. That lasted a couple of days because I pretty much told him that I wasn’t putting up with the back and forth stuff. I felt like he was trying to teach me a lesson. He can also be vindictive if he gets hurt or feels threatened. A couple of days later, we went to a concert we had planned for over a month. He had a few of his clients there so it was considered a work function. Here’s where it gets bad. I was extremely emotional from the previous week, drank a little too much. Got irritated with him, made a small scene and went to the hotel room. It wasn’t “that” bad but I felt horrible because I embarrassed him! On the way home he told me that he fell in love with me and he couldn’t believe that I had done that to him. He was visibly upset, even cried a little. (hanging my head) The next morning, I apologized. He told me to leave him alone and never message him again. I was upset but I understood. I left him alone. Ever since, he has been reaching out to me at least once a day. He says he can’t get over what happened but he doesn’t want me out of his life. He’s sent me 2 friend request on facebook. I told him that if we can’t move forward, we need to cut off all contact so we can move on. He got really up set with me. He sent me a song basically saying that he going to make me miss him and he’s not going to be that easy to leave? Told me to go away again…then the next day…sends me another friend request on facebook? He says he just doesn’t understand why we can’t be friends. He says he still wants me in his life. I’m so confused. My friends and family have given me advice but I would like to hear from someone else. After all this, I don’t see this ever working but I mainly want to understand why he’s doing what he’s doing? Is he hurt and confused? Is he just playing games with me? Does he really want to be my friend? Does he want to be my friend on facebook just to keep tabs on me? I offered to meet him and person and talk but he doesn’t want to see me? Lol…I’ve NEVER dealt with anything like this and want to understand what’s going on so I can just move on because I am hurting and confused right now… It’s been 2 weeks of drama! Thanks in advance

[Kjan]

I should also mention, I accepted his first friend request but quickly deleted him.. He posted the following on his facebook.

“Beauty without class is like a Monet on a napkin.”

That was a dig at me for what had happened. I deleted him because I felt like he just wanted me to see some of the mean things that he was posting. It’s almost like he wants me to hurt, he wants me to be sad. I just don’t get it.

When he thought I dumped him, he would say mean things without actually saying them if that makes sense. I consider myself an intelligent woman and I don’t put up with being disrespected or manipulated but for someone reason, I have let him do both of these things to me? I should also mention… He’s a charmer which I usually stay away from men like him but we had so much in common. His words and his actions were matching up so I thought I would give it a shot. He bought me several expensive things (which I told him not to do) It actually made me feel uncomfortable. I have a college degree and a good job… I didn’t need him to buy me things but he insisted. He is now asking for the LV purse back that he bought me? Should I give it back? Like I said, I’ve never been in this situation before. I offered to sell the purse and donate the money to charity. I told him that I would give him a receipt for tax purposed but he says he wants it back? Ugh, I’ve gotten myself into a mess!

I take responsibility for what I did that night. I should have stayed away from the alcohol knowing that I had been so upset. I think that’s why I was still responding to him because I feel so guilty about what happened.

Is there anything I can do to make this situation better because I do feel horrible… Thanks again

[AskApril Masini]

Maybe it’s the way you wrote it — or maybe it’s the way it really is — but he sounds unstable. Clearly, he’s someone who’s comfortable stirring up drama, and my advice is to be happy you only invested a couple of months with him. This isn’t someone you should be in a serious relationship with or spend any more time or energy with. My advice is to move on and not get sucked into the drama. Silence speaks volumes. 😉

I hope that helps.

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[Kjan]

Unfortunately, it’s not the way I wrote it. I tried to be as detailed and honest as possible. I knew what you were going to say before I even got the response, I just needed to hear it from someone else. Thank you! He’s already sent me another song since I sent you my first post. I didn’t respond. I guess at this point, I’m just worried that if I don’t respond, he might get more aggressive. Regardless, I did not respond and will take your advice. No more contact. Thank you, again!

[AskApril Masini]

Sounds like you have a good handle on things.

Good luck!

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