Dear April,
How are you? My ex and I were in a relationship for about a year and a half. Unfortunately, due to my (at first) commitment phobia, then a health issue that lasted for quite a bit, we started our relationship on not the most solid foundation. We got past it though (or at least I thought) when we became exclusive back in September, until she began questioning my faithfulness. She always thought I was dating other women (mostly because I work in Hollywood, and I have a lot of female friends/coworkers/relationship and she’s had trust/insecurity issues from her previous ex’s). But here’s the thing, I was completely faithful.
We were on and off numerous times until SHE ended things in late March. She’d been going through depression (hating job, missing home, not making enough money) and we’d been fighting a lot (one time it became physical), our intimacy began to fade and me not being there for her (even though I was tried, I failed. We tried to fix things, but it just made her more angry and withdrawn… and it ended badly our last day when she left me on top of a hill (we had gone hiking) after I almost fainted from anxiety after she recoiled when I tried to hug her. At the bottom of the hill a huge fight erupted leading to the break-up.
36 hours later, I wrote her an email asking her to consider couples therapy. She responded a few days later saying that she while she loved me very, very much, sometimes people who are in love aren’t always meant to be together. She took the blame for what had been going on recently and that as much as she wanted to ride off into the sunset with me, it wasn’t in the cards for us at this time. She said that she needed to get healthy before she can take care of anyone else. She thought my life will be much less stressful without her in it and that I would find the girl of my dreams. (She said she cried writing that because she wanted to be that woman.) She said if this was meant to be, we’d be brought together again. I drove to her place, tried to see her again to tell her that she saved my life and that I respected her decision, but she wouldn’t see me. The next day I sent her belated birthday present (which were dance classes), with a note saying that I hoped they would help her find her happiness. Unfortunately, there was no response.
Two weeks later, with advice from my friends and therapist, I decided to reach out via email about all of the ways I realized I had made mistakes and told her not only how I’d fix them moving forward… but that I was fully committed to a life with her in it. It’s been almost two weeks and I haven’t heard a response. I don’t plan on reaching out to her again for at least 45 days, but I don’t know what to do after that, what to say, or if I even should. I truly believed I’d marry this girl one day. What do I do?
Thanks in advance for your help!
