Dear April,
I’ve been married to my husband, “Jake* for nearly 3 years. About 6 months ago, after arguing and fighting for several months, we separated for about a month and were both ready for divorce. But after discussing it, we decided to work on our marriage because neither of us were willing to give up on our relationship or our family yet. So we got back together and started working on our communication. And we’ve talked more in the past few months than we ever did in 2.5 years of marriage. After we reconciled, we decided we’d try an open relationship. He was okay with it, so long as I was just with other women. It was a typical double-standard on his part, but at the time I wasn’t about to argue; I was going to take what I could get. I started talking to a girl, but long story short, she and “Jake” ended up together and I ended up being the third wheel. Recently I brought up me trying to find a male companion. Naturally his whole take on the idea has been negative. He’s worried that I’m trying to replace him; that I’ll fall in love and leave him again. And those are valid concerns. But I reassured him that he had nothing to worry about. At first. I’ve recently met someone online, “Jason.” Initially Jason wasn’t supposed to be anything more than just a playtoy; a meaningless fling. I was supposed to get a few kicks out of him and move on. But as I got to know him and spoke with him more, I developed genuine feelings for him. At first I just thought my hormones were getting the best of me; that it was just lust or infatuation that I felt for Jason. But when we met in person, it was like the Fourth of July. Our electronic chemistry just turned into pure electricity. He’s extremely intelligent and well-versed, funny, sexy, sweet, romantic but at the same time strong and protective. He’s just… amazing. We talk for hours about everything under the sun, and I absolutely love it – I look forward to our conversations every day. I’ve fallen in love with him, head over heels, and the incredible thing is that he feels exactly the same way for me. I care about my husband and don’t want to hurt him again. But I’m not happy with him anymore. I just don’t know how to tell him that I’m not in love with him anymore.
What can I do?
Confused in MO
