[Sweetpea26]

Hello April,

I’d like to get your opinion on something please if and when you have time. I’m not sure what to think about this situation and I would greatly appreicate any advice you may have. I’ve known a guy for two years now who is in the same social circle as I am. We all ride Harley’s together and I’ve hung out with him, but have not had sex. He started calling me a lot this past spring. He works in another city and is a very successful businessman who has accomplished a lot in his career. He has offered to fly me down to see him, but those plans have fallen through. He recently came back home and we were finally intimate – my problem is that he’s been divorced for about 12 years. He has two kids in their early 20’s. They’ve never seen him with anybody else before and when he visits them, the ex-wife is always there. He said the reason being is that he didn’t want his kids to have to “choose,” and another woman would’ve taken his time away from them. He calls me about twice a week more or less, I never have to call him. My question at this point is do I continue seeing him/ fly down there to see him? Or cut this off? I’m just not sure what to do.

Thank you,

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like he’s dead set against bringing a stepmother into his adult children’s’ lives. 😕 Rather than try and change him, I think you should accept that any relationship you have with him is going to be “on the side”. It’s not like he’s cheating with you on someone, but he’s not going to allow you full access to his life.

Frankly, I find it strange that he feels his adult children would have to “choose” between two people — and I’m not even quite sure who he thinks the kids will have to choose between — you and their mother? 😯 Adult children understand divorce and aren’t subjected to the difficult parts of it the same way that minor children are. I would think that the adult children would want to see their parents happy with significant others, knowing that they’re divorced. But he’s not the one writing me with a problem. In fact, the problem you’re having is that he’s adopting a stance where you’re going to be on the outside looking in if you continue with him.

Thanksgiving, Christmas, extended family get together events will all be situations where you’re iced out if you stay with him. I think he likes you, but he likes his life the way he has it and isn’t going to budge on this one.

I hope that helps! Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[Sweetpea26]

April,

Thank you for your insight! I agree with what you said. I thought possibly he might still be carrying a torch for the ex. I asked a good friend of his about the divorce and he said I was prying because it’s a “guy’s code” where he could not talk about it. He said he’d never seen this guy with anyone before (except with a hooker). There’s a lot of red flags that I need to think about.

Thanks again!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You may be right about his holding out hope for he and his ex, but the hooker underscores his need to compartmentalize his sex life and his personal life. You’re looking for a man who will share his entire life with you and who wants the same from you in return. 😉

If you get a chance, would you do me a favor? I’d like it if you’d write a short review of my advice. All you have to do is follow this link: [url]https://maps.google.com/maps?hl=en&cp=27&gs_id=2y&xhr=t&q=naples+relationship+experts&qe=bmFwbGVzLCByZWxhdGlvbnNoaXAgZXhwZXJ0&qesig=5ePSxsE58_ATGEuiBgQXBQ&pkc=AFgZ2tmr1hK_bEnl96XNDnJhv9fPLrTKomuzIeMJVjHRz9Sh9HZMoY9APtQAsdBc0TSgnT-Q2gdku4yZ5fY88T1qCyX7FqZCkg&gs_sm=&gs_upl=&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.&biw=988&bih=536&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&tab=wl[/url] and then scroll down and go to the second page of advisors where you’ll see me! Click on me and write a review. THANK YOU!!

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