[dkirin]

Hi All,

Basically i’ve been seeing this girl for the last month and a half.
Things have been going well, like really well.
We’ve made out, had sex, we hold hands and kiss sometimes.. although she’s not used to the hand holding and kissing yet, her last 2 boyfriends were abusive and she’s been through a lot with abusive father etc.
She told me at the start she’s bi, but didin’t really say what she prefers.

Now, we had a chat and basically she finds it weird being with a guy as she says she’s 90% gay and wants to find out for sure before making things anymore official, she’s always been on the fence, her 1st ex left her because she couldn’t decide if she was gay or straight.
She wants to keep things as it is but she doesn’t want to promise a future, i don’t really expect her to promise anything anyways because it’s only been a month and a bit..

I’m just not sure what to do.. i’ve never been in this position.
Part of me wants to keep it like it is which she wants too so she can see if she’ll change and if it the weirdness goes away, but she also wants to be single and explore her gay side to see if that’s what she really wants.

I’m happy to be with her and her explore her gay side but what boundaries do i set?
But the thing is, she doesn’t want to see other guys, she’s just not sure about guys in general but she’s told me if she wants to see a guy she’d always see me, because i make her happy and all that.

Any tips? Part of me wants to let go and let her explore and hope she comes back but part of me wants to keep seeing her exclusively like we are and hope the weirdness goes away, i’d probably cut the hand holding and only kiss back when she initiates to help make up her mind.

By the way, she’s 20 and i’m 22.

Thanks guys.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You can’t put boundaries on her. She wants to explore dating with men and dating with women and she’s giving you a head’s up that she’s wanting to play the field, so that you don’t get hurt and she doesn’t feel guilty. The challenge with dating someone who’s bi is that you have competition from men — and women! And when she tells you she’s “90% gay”, she’s letting you know you have a 10% chance with her because of your gender. Since it’s only been a month and a half of dating, I’d continue to play the field and cool things down with her. See what else is out there for you, too!

[dkirin]

Thankyou.

She told me she doesn’t want to see other guys though, she doesn’t want to lose what she has with me…

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Yeah, but she’s seeing other women — romantically and sexually. If you’re okay with that, then stay in the game. 😉

[Sally]

She likes you. You make her feel safe. But she doesn’t know who she is yet, and she’s telling you that out loud. That’s actually honest of her. The problem is, honesty doesn’t make it easier on you.

If you stay while she’s figuring out her sexuality, you need to be real about the cost. You’ll be waiting. You’ll be hoping. And there’s a good chance she’ll decide she needs something else. That doesn’t make her bad. It just means you’re taking a risk with your feelings.

If you let her go explore, it hurts now but protects you long term. You can’t half-date someone who’s unsure and expect to feel steady.
Ask yourself this quietly: can you stay without resenting her if she never chooses you? If the answer is no, that’s your answer.

[Member]

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