[katitiak]

I have been seeing this guy on and off for 2 years and started to have some attachment to him, at first I didnt care for him and didnt care what he did because I didnt love him, he was just gifts and enjoyable sex to me. He never took me to his place EVER! So I knew he had someone elese and he is 24 years older than me,so I told him off,laughed in his face and I messed around on him a lot cause I didnt trust him and I was childish. he has checked my phone, he has told me he has followed me going to another guy friends house. I have done some mean things to him over the past two years when he really did care for me,I have been seeing another guy for 3 1/2 years. Now, he has told me about a couple of other females that he sees,It bothered me only because I now do have feelings for him but I enjoy the sex and would be willing to just be sexual friends if he wants. I want him to accept that i will and do see other people like he does (I am careful to use protection)! The problem is,he dosent want me to see other people and i lie and say that i dont,when I do cause I enjoy our sexual encounters and I know he would not want to see me if I told him the truth.i am careful when I see someone so that he dosent catch me. He called me the other night early while he was working and told me he would be by, I almost invited another lover over but decided not to,cause I was tired so I went to sleep he called me acouple times and I finally woke up and answered the phone and he was at the the door. He told me that if anyone would have been with me, something would have happened ( I would not have answered the door or the phone!) I just want to know if he wants to continue to be with others,why cant I enjoy being with some other people also, why cant we just enjoy sexual encounters with no strings attached?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

In answer to your two questions at the end of your post:

1. You CAN continue to date other men. You don’t have a commitment to him or from him, and there’s nothing holding you back from dating other men. Lying, however, isn’t going to get you any intimacy in the relationship, but it sounds like you’re not really interested in intimacy. 😕

2. You can’t continue to have sexual encounters with no strings attached because you have feelings for him, and because he doesn’t want you seeing other men. It’s very hard for women to have these no strings attached encounters over a period of time because sex changes things. Women tend to develop feelings for men they are sleeping with. Your guy has made it clear that he doesn’t want you to be with other men, and if he finds out that you are, there will be drama.

It’s pretty clear that this is only going to “work” as long as you keep lying to your man. It’s not what I recommend for a healthy relationship. 🙁

I hope that helps you. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[katitiak]

I have always been the kind of person in all of my hookups who could have sex without emotional attachment and I cant really figure out why I like him so much because I am African American and so is he and i have never been attracted physically or otherwise to any men of my same race, I prefer men of other races and have never been in love with any of them either, I have never loved anyone and it may be lust that I feel for him. The few I have slept with I really didnt care for in the end.I always thought emotions were for weak minded people, something unnecessary.I have been stressed for a few months over wanting to have more time with him. I have a high sex drive and if he cant be there when I need it, I WILL continue to seek for someone who is available to satisfy me more often. ❗ The sex we have is fantastic I am wrong to do what i am doing, I accepted the fact that he sees other people I CAN see him without getting crazy on him,even if he flirts in my face because I would like the sex if nothing elese, I do like my freedom and I just want him around if he can only be there for sex.I just want him to be with me if only on that level and I want him to accept that I will and do sleep with others just like he does. Why does he really care who I’m with when I dont care who he is with when he isnt with me?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote] Why does he really care who I’m with when I dont care who he is with when he isnt with me?[/quote]

If you understand the concept of empathy you can try and practice it! He is not you. His feelings are different than yours. He cares who you’re with because that’s who he is. It doesn’t have to do with your not caring who he’s with. Try to think outside of yourself and you’ll understand other people better. 😉

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

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