[texasboi27]

I would like some unbiased relationship insight/advice. My name is Chris. I’m a 27 y/o gay male that was recently dating Mark, a 22 y/o gay male. I’m going to state the main facts of what happened, and I’d appreciate some insight with any suggestions. Me and Mark dated for a month. It’s understood that it was such a short time of dating, but we bonded and grew on each other very quickly & genuinely. It wasn’t just a fling. We spent almost every day together. You could say we grew a love for each other very fast. Mark would eventually tell me how he loved me, and mentioned it quite often. He would text me every other night how he was so happy to be with me, and again how much I meant to him. We got into a few arguments over a weekend getaway & he said he was way too hurt to continue being in our relationship. He quickly became distant. By this time, I had already fallen in love with him. A few days later, I brought him flowers & lunch at work to apologize. I wrote him cute & sincere cards trying to work things out etc. At this point he wants to still hangout, but as friends. Okay, so Mark’s last relationship was about a year long, his ex’s name, Adam is 20 y/o. They had broken up just a month before we had got together. During our relationship Mark & Adam would text each other occasionally, I was okay with it because I had no reason not to trust him & he would show me their messages, occasionally. Anyway, a few days after my efforts of fixing things, we started hanging back out often. I spent the night at Mark’s house & while he slept I read text message conversations between him & Adam. It hurt me because I noticed Mark & Adam were repeatedly messaging that they love each other. Mark & Adam’s comments were “baby this” & ” baby that”. In the messages Mark told Adam that he was “his world”. I had told Mark that many times before and here I’m seeing him use that line to his ex. So trying to hide my tears, I confronted Mark & told him I didn’t want anything more to do with him. He cried to me & told me that hes torn between Adam and I. That he needs to figure out which one of me or Adam were to be “the boyfriend” or “bestfriend” & that he loved us both and didn’t mean to hurt my feelings. He’s saying that he wants to take it slow with both of us to figure it out. I know that Mark has feelings for me and to tell the truth, he spends more time with me (currently) than anyone else in his life at the moment. As far as at the moment, I’m not sure if it could be that it’s just very convenient that I live so close to him. Mark is telling me that Adam & I, are equally friends, equally meaningful to him at the moment which is why he’s “torn”. Sometimes I’ll go to kiss Mark’s lips & get the cheek. Sometimes Mark will cuddle with me, sometimes i’ll get a turned shoulder. Mark currently hangs out with Adam, but not as often as he does with me. Mark tells me he promises to let me know if he’s going to get back together with Adam, but that if he did, he wanted me to stay and be his ‘best-friend’. Bottom line, Mark obviously knew he was still in love with his ex while allowing me to fall in love with him for the short time we dated. So here I am left in an awkward position where I obviously care too much about Mark and I really don’t think I’m ready to just move on yet. He apologizes that he did’t mean it to happen that way or hurt my feelings… Am I able to still hangout with Mark if he chooses Adam? We’ll It would be hard, I don’t know. Please comment on the situation and give a few suggestions 😕

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]Bottom line, Mark obviously knew he was still in love with his ex while allowing me to fall in love with him for the short time we dated. [/quote]

When you date you have a responsibility to find out as much as you can about a person before getting invested. So for starters: You’ve only been dating this guy [i]a month[/i], and you knew he only broke up with his year long boyfriend a month prior. If you do the relationship math, you’ll know that it’s too soon for him to fall head over heels over you — in fact, rebound, is the word that comes to mind. It’s unfair for you to blame him for “allowing” you to fall in love with him. Nobody held a gun to your head. 😕

Next, it’s never a good idea to spend every day together in the beginning because it doesn’t allow you to think clearly. When you first start dating someone it’s good to have some perspective. Have a date and wait a week before seeing each other again. Don’t get too involved too quickly if you want to have a clear head — and be able to date smart. 😉

And last, I usually suggest you date someone for three months before deciding if you want to invest in them emotionally and otherwise. During this time you can see more clearly if someone is really over their last relationship and ready to move on. Rushing prevents clarity. 😳

I hope this helps. And if he decides to get back together again with Adam, it’s probably not a good idea to become the third wheel. Your feelings are too raw and you’d do better to just move on and make a clean break of things.

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[Member]

Posts