[lostinlove1987]

This is kind of a complicated situation. I met my ex husband while in the military, and we got divorced and went our separate ways. Much to my surprise I bumped into an old mutual friend of mine and my ex who was in the same military unit as us, in the town I now live in. Come to find out he is originally from this place.

Anyway, we exchanged numbers in a totally innocent manner and started hanging out here and there. This has been going on for almost 6 months now, and each time we are together my feelings for him get stronger. I asked him how he felt about our new romance and he said that it is a little weird for him being that we knew each other while I was married. I completely understand that, so I have been hesitant to tell him how I really feel about him for fear of losing him.

He is a few years younger than me, which is also something different as I have always dated older men. Our physical romance didn’t begin until about 3 months after we started hanging out. I have never made love to someone like the way we do together. It is so passionate and is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. I feel like a teenager who is crazy about this boy and can’t stop thinking about him.

I want to tell him how I feel, but he keeps talking about moving away since he also just got out of the military and doesn’t want to stick around his hometown. He spends most of his free time with me though. He is great with my child too. I just feel like myself when we’re together, like I don’t have to change anything to make him happy.

I keep tossing these thoughts around in my mind. I think about the fact that we probably wouldn’t be in this predicament now if we had never bumped into each other that day. I feel like something about this whole ordeal is wrapped up in fate. I had been extremely depressed and having a very hard time until he came into my life. He also just got out of a marriage so I feel bad for wanting to be in a relationship with him so soon, but I can’t keep denying my feelings for him. I just don’t know where to go from here. It hurts me to hide my love, but I don’t want to burden him with that when he has made other plans for his future. I don’t want to hold him back from that, if that makes any sense.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated! I am just confused and hiding these feelings amplifies the loneliness factor tenfold.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both?

[lostinlove1987]

I am 26, he is 23.

[lostinlove1987]

I am 26, he is 23.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Thank you for filling me in with your ages! The fact that he’s 23, just out of the military and talking about moving somewhere else indicates he’s young, he feels that he has the world in front of him and he wants to explore it. You should pay attention to this instead of just focusing on your feelings for him. It sounds like you want a serious relationship that will lead to marriage since you’re 26, divorced and a single parent, and he’s not necessarily in the same place — in fact, it sounds like the two of you sort of fell into dating instead of your having a relationship goal and going for that. Now, after six months of what sounds like casual dating, you’ve fallen in love with him and you want to tell him because whether you realize it or not — you’re trying to leverage the relationship into something more serious by doing this. 😳 And it won’t work because of his age and where he is in his life. Basically, he has feelings for you — but he’s not ready for the kind of commitment you are.

My advice is to decide what you want — I think you already know that you want a more serious, committed relationship — is to let go of this relationship and find someone who fits the bill, but….. I know that’s not what you want to do, at least right now. So if you do stay in this for a while longer, a rule of thumb is NEVER say the L word first, and don’t start telling him how you feel — trust me, he knows. And he’s telling you about moving away because he’s trying to send you a signal that this isn’t a serious, long-term relationship. You’re confused because he likes being with you and you’re trying to bank on that only. But you have to look at the big picture and your own life goals.

I hope that helps.

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[lostinlove1987]

Yes! That really does help..sometimes it’s hard to step outside of a situation to see it for what it really is. I wouldn’t say that I am [i]looking[/i] for hardcore commitment right now, though. I really didn’t expect to feel this way about him. I was dating a really successful and good looking guy until he came along! We just connected on a level that neither of us were ready for. However this plays out, I’m just happy with the here and now and I think I will just leave it at that 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m glad I could help! 😀

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