[Planson]

I am unsure if a female coworker is that interested in me. I am 26, she is 23. We work in retail so our schedules are random every week; she has a second job which is her primary workplace which means less time where I am.

-She doesn’t drive.
-It has been 3 months since I got her phone number.
-Our bosses are totally okay with people on the same level to date which we are.
-I keep things about us private and no public displays of affection so we are not subject to gossip.
-We have discussed the general concept of coworkers dating, and we’re both open to the idea.

[b]Why I have doubts:[/b]
• She occasionally replied to texts in the beginning, but now she never does
• We only see each other at work except for only one time, and that was as a group with 3 other coworkers (I invited and picked her up from the other job)
• She spends time outside of work with her friends
• Two times I asked about spending time together outside of work resulted in her getting frustrated both times. The second time I jokingly asked if I’m not important which she replied, in a serious tone, “That’s not it at all”
• The other job is where she mainly works so it can be consecutive weeks that we do not see or talk to each other
• I feel like if she was interested, she would make an effort

[b]Why I am unsure:[/b]
• Never mentions a boyfriend
• Initiates conversations with me at work (we are in separate departments, but she visits me)
• Laughs at everything I say and always smiles around me
• When I asked for her phone number and to see her outside of work, I had to ask three times since her heart was racing. As I was walking away after she wrote her number for me, she got up to follow and continue talking with me
• Early on she walked over and said “we should see a movie together” which has yet to happen
• I have put my arm around her, put my hand on her back and had long hugs as she smiled each time
• I have a pet name for her
• Appeared jealous the two times that she saw me talking to a close female friend who is outgoing and playful with me
• Said that she was warned which guys to avoid at work. I asked why she talks to me and she blushed
• Has blushed and looked away when I have said “I missed you” “what’s up pretty lady?” “how is my girl doing?” “I’m supposed to cover for you (pay for lunch), that’s how things work”

I’m undecided if I should move on or wait it out. I’m sure she’ll get frustrated if I bring up why she has time for her friends but doesn’t give me anything.

I believe that I should be a part of her life but not be her life. It is healthy to spend time with friends, family and yourself yet I feel like I do not matter.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Since you got her phone number three months ago, did you ever use it to ask her out on a date?

[Planson]

Yes, I have asked by phone as well as in person:

1st time: I listed my availability for the week, she replied: “Maybe. Let me double check my work schedule when I get home!”.

-She did not send anything else after that. When we worked together days later I avoided her since I took that as a ‘no’. I saw a frown on her face. The following time we worked together is the day she came to me and said that we should go to a movie together. I responded positively, but nothing was scheduled.

2nd: The work outing that I took her to. These were my friends since she was new.

3rd: I asked her in person, and we decided on a time. I sent her a message a day prior to confirm if she was still able. She responded on the day we were to meet: “Love the cat! (a picture I sent her during the week) Bad news: [name of one of our bosses] called me in early than my set schedule, sorry!”.

4th: I planned going to a sports game in 3 weeks with my immediate family members for my birthday, and I invited her by text. She didn’t respond until I asked in person. She texted: “Hey! Sorry I am not gonna be able to join. I’m sorry :/”.

5th: She responded same day saying how exhausted she was: “It depends. Honestly, my body and mind is exhausted. I can barely stand. We can see, not sure yet though, sorry :/”

6th: I invited her in person to an event that I’m going to in over a month. She said that she was already going to be on tour in order to watch a friend who is performing during that time.

7th & 8th: I asked in person about her general availability, and she got frustrated both times.

-After that I’ve felt discouraged to ask again.
-I always text first, and she has yet to ask me.
-Recently while we were at work, we briefly talked as I was leaving. We were being playful and I said that she is no fun. She said it’s not fun having 2 jobs. I said “I’ve been nice, I’ve left you alone”. She smiled, commented on my shirt that I was wearing, walked off smiling as she went to deal with customers.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Hmmm….. I don’t get the feeling that you’re really trying to woo her and win her over. It sounds more like you’re being very business-like about dating her, and maybe it’s just the way you describe your interactions, but when you say that you “listed your availability for the week” it doesn’t sound like you [i]enticed[/i] her. Then it sounds like you took her to “a work outing” — again, if you really want to win someone over, you have to make them feel special. That means asking her out in person, bringing her flowers, taking her somewhere really special like a nice restaurant for dinner on a Saturday night, etc. The next six times you asked her out it sounds like you did a lot right — but she just wasn’t that interested.

My advice now is to back off and look elsewhere for someone to date. At this point, if you really want to date her, you have to make yourself seem more valuable and if you’re the nice guy who’s always there, always asking her out, she’s possibly going to take you for granted. If you start dating other women and she either finds out about it, and/or just knows you’re no longer asking her out and are living a nice life for yourself, she may see you as more attrative. 😉

So, take a break from her for now and see what else is out there for you in terms of dating. 😉

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