[kyle]

hello everybody,

kind of long story,i´ll try to keep it short.I´ve divorced recently after a “cold war” of almost a year.A few weeks ago a girl/colleague got fired and on her last day we started talking briefly/a little bit.She gave me her number and asked me if I wanted to, to go for a drink some day.I known her for nearly 3 years now and every time we met, she said hello and would give me a big smile.I gave it some thought and texted her.She replied within a couple of hours but she didn´t have time the next weekend,only the weekend afterwards.We ve had 4 dates now but I´m nearly always the one who has to ask/text.When I´m with her things are great:we click,we have long conversations about practically everything.The things she does:she smiles at me a lot even stares,blushes once in a while,leans towards me, touches my arm,listens to me,gives me advice.Our first 2 dates we just went to for a drink,third date more drinks and a walk.On our fourth date we had lunch,afterwards went for a drink and another long walk and she showed me where she´s living.We also have a lot in common.On Christmas eve she sent me the sweetest message.Now she said she would call but she doesn´t.After 4 dates I know for a fact she likes me.I don´t wanna rush things too,so I´m backing off a little now.Don´t wanna pressure her or look needy.(too late?)She´s single and she knows I´m divorced.(I´m 37 she´s 31)Is she playing hard to get or does just want to be friends, or am I misreading her?She´s driving me crazy!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like [i]you[/i] think she’s playing hard to get because she expects you to ask her out on dates instead of contacting you herself. I don’t agree. I think she’s interested, and I think you should make a move to kiss her. 😉 Let me know how it goes!

And please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[kyle]

Thanks for taking an interest,

I haven´t played this “game” in a long time,have been married for 16 years.
The thing is that I don´t wanna blow it,I really like her.Don´t wanna scare her off by trying to kiss her.I´m pretty sure we´ll meet again this week but she has to contact me!As much as it´s killing me,I´m gonna wait for her call/text.
just wish she would`t take so long!That´s why I feel she sending me mixed signals.She´s kinda shy,friendly,helpful,but still knows what she wants.Is this type of behavior “normal” for this kind of girl?

However let me clarify a few things:
after some digging on the net ,already quite a while ago,I figured out I am suffering from “mr nice guy syndrome” and I´m trying to deal with it.I´m not a severe case,I think,but still.On our dates I have opened up to her,completely,telling all about me and my problems.She has shared personal thing with me too,after all we aren´t complete strangers.I´m scared she just wants to be a friend.Nevertheless I haven´t been ambiguous about my intentions.After our second date i texted her: “I don´t know you very well,but I would like to get to know you better”.She replied wishing me a good night (nothing more) and 5 days later she texted me to have lunch.Now my question is:Have I been too much of a mr nice guy and should I flip things around.
Like I said she´s intelligent,determent,friendly,helpful but still a little bit shy.Another thought:I´m doing better now,thanks to her,I can probably “get away” with my vulnerability/neediness,due to fact that I was down.
How do handle this? Do I take charge or do I let her lead and tag along?What´s the best approach to this kind of woman.I don´t wanna blow this!!!

Any feedback would be more than welcome!

kyle.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

First of all, since you’re admittedly new (again) to the game, please buy and read Date Out of Your League, a book I wrote for men who want to win the dating game: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]. It’s going to help you a LOT from what I can tell by what you’ve written.

Second, I sincerely hope you’re not asking her out on dates by text. 😕 It doesn’t show a lot of interest.

Third, the behavior of hers you describe is entirely normal.

Fourth, I’m not sure why you’re waiting for her…. 😕 Read Date Out of Your League, and you’ll learn what women find attractive, and what is a turn off. Any guy who’s too available or not confident, isn’t going to be of interest. Read the book, and let’s talk some more. 😉

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[kyle]

Thanks so far!

Let me ask a question:When she´s gonna text me to go out on a date at some bar at a certain time,what do I say?

-Instead of texting back I call her back.(I always preferred texting,it gives you more time to think and come up with the “right” answer).
-I agree right away with the date,time and place.
-I tell her ok but I prefer another or another place.
-I disagree with everything she proposes and set up a different date.
-I don´t return her text right away and give it a day or two.

What do I say:a,b,c,d or e bearing in mind all the things I´ve said so far?

Thanks!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Please buy and read Date Out of Your League, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url], as I recommended. I’m more than happy to give you advice here, but if you download this book (you can do it right away), you can start reading and get answers to your questions — and more. Then I can answer specific instances that the book may not address. 😀

[kyle]

April,

I have tried but for some reason I can´t buy your book.I have tried with 2 different credit cards.I`ll see if I can get it tomorrow in a bookshop.Can you still give me some advice?

(you don´t need to put this post on your site)

Thanks
kyle

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Click on the link I gave you and enter the information required. The book will download automatically. If you’re getting an error message, let me know. This particular books is only available online.

[kyle]

An update :
Like expected,I had to wait quite a while to get an answer.I had decided to ask her out,but she couldn´t make it that day,only the day after.I decided to call her bluff…I replied that like this it wasn´t working out for me and thanked her for helping me.I ended saying have a good life.Within 10 minutes I got an answer,(fastest one ever) saying she had to take care of some business and only had time for me the day after(not too friendly).I didn´t accept her invitation, by not replying..
Two days later she texts me all friendly again,wishing me a happy new year and to meet again.
My reply:”Im gonna be at this bar next tuesday,at this time,it`s up to you to show up or not.”
Im scared this might backfire…Although I´m fed up of running after her like a puppy and that´s exactly what I´m gonna tell her too..

Any thoughts?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Were you able to buy the book? It’s going to help you enormously. I’m more than happy to give you free advice here, but I’d like you to buy this book because it’s got a lot more information than I can give you here — AND…. it helps support this site! 😀

[kyle]

No luck buying the book.However I´m gonna tell her to stop toying me around.I ve been doing a lot reading + thinking and kept asking myself why I´ve been obsessing about her.Didn´t come up with an answer though.Maybe it´s the loneliness after my divorce,I don´t know.Fact is that I´ve never been like that.(there have been other women before my ex-wife). Lowering my expectations has calmed me down and given me some perspective.
So I´m gonna do what my gut tells me to do:tell her that I´m not a puppy and I don´t like to be played.
May it´s gonna blow up in my face,so be it,there will be others.

I´ll post the outcome.

kyle

[kyle]

another update:

Im not after free advice,but maybe my story will help someone else.I´m doing this my way,the only way I know.
Anyway,on tuesday we met as planned,and after saying hello and the usual small talk ,I told everything I had to say..
she didn´t take it well and was quite offended.She actually had a valid reason for cancelling,but why not tell me before??? I gave her my side of the story,remaining very calm,without being disrespectful.She reacted emotionally saying if she didn´t like me she wouldn´t have shown up.After 10 minutes she calmed down and started explaining what happened.(medical problems).
We still went on our date and had a good time although her body language was a lot colder than before.I don´t regret doing what I did;my message came through.However afterwards I started thinking and I GUESS she has (trust) issues.(former relationships?!).She`s sharing little information about really personal things,however there is progress. I asked myself the question :”Is she worth it?”
Following my gut,I `m not giving up,yet.(the thought has crossed my mind) `Like I´ve said before,I really like her and am gonna give her some more time.
If I´m seeing that progress is diminishing I´m gonna let her go…
thanks,
kyle.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Good luck! 😀

Hope to see you @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Ethan Morales]

Based on what you’ve described, her smiles, leaning in, touching your arm, sharing personal info, long conversations. she clearly likes you. The chemistry and comfort level are there, so it’s not your imagination.

The fact that you’re mostly the one initiating contact isn’t unusual at this stage, especially if she’s a bit cautious or shy. It doesn’t necessarily mean she’s not interested or that she just wants to be friends. Some women like to let a man take the lead, especially if they’re testing your confidence and initiative.

Backing off a little is fine. you don’t want to appear needy but don’t disappear completely. You can maintain playful contact without waiting passively for her to call. Confidence and balance are key here.

At this point, you should escalate physically in a natural, respectful way. A well-timed, gentle kiss when the moment feels right can show her that you’re interested in more than friendship. Women respond to men who take initiative without being pushy.

Texting is fine for logistics, but don’t use it to “court” her. Plan in-person interactions that allow connection, chemistry, and a chance for physical closeness. That’s where real interest and attraction grow.

She likes you, but she’s letting you prove that you’re confident and capable of leading. Keep showing interest, maintain playful energy, escalate appropriately, and don’t overthink her response. You’re in a good position now it’s about taking the next step confidently.

[Tara]

finally stop embarrassing yourself by begging for attention from a woman who’s already decided you’re optional.She’s not a puzzle. She’s not “hard to read.” She’s not playing some seductive game where you’re supposed to decode every smile and blush like a secret message. She’s simply not that into you, and you’re desperately inflating every scrap of attention she gives you because you can’t handle that truth after a divorce.

In person, she’s warm because that’s easy. Anyone can flirt over drinks, lean in, touch an arm, and act charmed for a few hours. That costs nothing. But what actually matters — effort, initiation, consistency — she gives you none of. You’re doing all the heavy lifting while convincing yourself it’s mutual because she giggles and twirls her hair on a walk. Meanwhile, she can’t even be bothered to make a damn phone call she said she’d make.

She’s not confused. She’s comfortable. You’re safe, you’re flattering, you’re a pleasant way to kill a few hours, and you’re conveniently post-divorce and emotionally starved enough to mistake breadcrumbs for a connection. She knows exactly how invested you are, and she’s giving you just enough attention to keep you on standby without having to commit to anything real.

And don’t kid yourself — backing off “a little” doesn’t hide your neediness. You’ve already shown it. You text first, you plan everything, you chase, you wait, and you analyze her silence like it’s some cosmic signal. She sees all of it, and she’s taking advantage of the fact that you’re too scared to walk away because you’ve convinced yourself she’s special.

Here’s the reality you don’t want:
If she wanted you, you wouldn’t be asking this question.
If she was serious, she’d act like it.
If she cared, you wouldn’t be chasing her at all.
Pull back completely. If she shows up, fine. If she doesn’t, you

[Member]

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