[Anonymous]

My name is Tina and I’m 16 years old. I don’t know what to do anymore, seriously.
I told my parents I had a boyfriend, I expected them to get mad and lecture me but to my surprise, they said it was okay. I was happy they accepted us. But after a few days, they were starting to act weird. They were telling my sister to study so she won’t end up being like me. I was hurt cause I heard it myself. I wish they could’ve told me that they weren’t okay with me having a boyfriend. I really don’t get it cause I was doing well in my academics. Now they wouldn’t let me out of the house, like they used to. I sometimes think of leaving our house and commit suicide because they were ashamed of me. I really love my boyfriend, and he loves me too. I feel that he’s the only one who loves and understands me. My family is not supportive of me. I secretly cry at night, thinking if I should break up with my boyfriend or not. But when I think of breaking up, my heart aches really bad. Please help me. I’m so desperate. 🙁 </3

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It’s very normal for you to want the approval of your parents (at any age!), so when they say one thing, but behave as if they’re disapproving, you’re probably feeling confused, betrayed and rejected. This is a cocktail of emotions that stings!

It sounds like your parents, in spite of the fact that they’re older than you and they’re parents, are confused about how to talk to you. They say they’re okay with your having a boyfriend, but they’re acting differently. They probably have no idea you cry yourself to sleep. 🙁

If you can manage it (and I know this is hard), the best thing you can do is to muster your strength and sit down and talk to them. Tell them how you feel — tell them everything. Tell them that you love this boy, but that you really want to do well in school and you want to be loved and valued by your parents. Tell them it hurts you deeply when you feel they’re disapproving. Tell them what you expected them to say and how surprised you were that they said they were okay with your having a boyfriend. Tell them how much you want their guidance to balance your freedom. This is the only way they’re going to really know your thoughts. They may want to tell you how wonderful you are. They may actually want to tell you their own experiences of romance at age 16 and how their own teenage years are coloring their parenting of yours. And if they don’t volunteer this information, ASK THEM when they started to date and how their parents treated them when they did.

Believe it or not, parents make mistakes, but as their child (and you seem like a great girl), you have a responsibility to set them straight when they’re off course — YES! Parents do go off course and need guidance from you, too!

Let me know if this helps. Suicide is never the answer, and if you really feel suicidal, please call a suicide hotline. But if things aren’t that bad, do try to talk to your folks. Let me know how it goes — I want to hear from you!

Also, follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

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