It’s very normal for you to want the approval of your parents (at any age!), so when they say one thing, but behave as if they’re disapproving, you’re probably feeling confused, betrayed and rejected. This is a cocktail of emotions that stings!
It sounds like your parents, in spite of the fact that they’re older than you and they’re parents, are confused about how to talk to you. They say they’re okay with your having a boyfriend, but they’re acting differently. They probably have no idea you cry yourself to sleep. đ
If you can manage it (and I know this is hard), the best thing you can do is to muster your strength and sit down and talk to them. Tell them how you feel — tell them everything. Tell them that you love this boy, but that you really want to do well in school and you want to be loved and valued by your parents. Tell them it hurts you deeply when you feel they’re disapproving. Tell them what you expected them to say and how surprised you were that they said they were okay with your having a boyfriend. Tell them how much you want their guidance to balance your freedom. This is the only way they’re going to really know your thoughts. They may want to tell you how wonderful you are. They may actually want to tell you their own experiences of romance at age 16 and how their own teenage years are coloring their parenting of yours. And if they don’t volunteer this information, ASK THEM when they started to date and how their parents treated them when they did.
Believe it or not, parents make mistakes, but as their child (and you seem like a great girl), you have a responsibility to set them straight when they’re off course — YES! Parents do go off course and need guidance from you, too!
Let me know if this helps. Suicide is never the answer, and if you really feel suicidal, please call a suicide hotline. But if things aren’t that bad, do try to talk to your folks. Let me know how it goes — I want to hear from you!
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