[Anonymous]

Dear April,

I think I know what your response is going to be but something is compelling me to ask anyway. I wrote to you a couple of weeks ago about my boyfriend who broke up with me on nye and said all those horrible things which were out of character. Basically he broke up with me on the phone after having a screaming fest at me saying how I didnt appreciate him and a load of other stuff which he never told me before, but all of a sudden it was like one day he cracked he had been keeping his feelings bottled up inside because he didnt want to hurt me or make me mad and then finally blew up and broke up with me. He was tired of my complicated life (in the last two years I moved alot had issues with housing flatmates, friends work you name it one after the other) and he said he stayed out of guilt becuase he knew i needed someone. he also said he wanted to see other women didnt think of me in the same way. and started crying because he was mad at himself for not feeling how he should?!

So anyway a week later I couldnt let go of the fact that this didnt sound like the guy Ive known for four and a half years it was bugging. So I rang him and it turns out this guy didnt remember a word he said to me I kept telling him what he said and he started getting angry with me that he would never say anything like that!!! like really mad so I said ok and i said i didnt want to break up but i know we need a break right but do you think we could start from scratch. Then he started getting really agitated that he was emotionally drained. and in one breath he said hes tired and needs to find his happiness on his own and in another breath that he wants to see other people. so i asked him which one and he was like he didnt know. So I said I still want to be with you and I asked if he would ever consider getting back together and he said I will always have a chance. then he said maybe we should both get established then see where fate takes us. Now I am all about fate love it but like fate doesnt exactly give a date or time we arent just going to randomly bump in the street we have completely different lives though we live 10 mins apart i guarantee were never gonna see each other its been two months and nothing so i know.

So he says he still loves me but not in the same way and he doesnt want to be with me. Though bearing in mind when I rang him and said I missed him he said he missed me too and missed talking to me. But we havent spoken in a month.

I am really really confused this guy sounds really lost and confused and tired and stressed and I think he feels a big part of his stress was me so hes gotten rid of me. He never really got past the difficult time we had an always kept bringing it up. Plus he was always working he works 200 plus hours in two weeks its crazy so he was always tired and wasnt able to differentiate between work and being with me. he was always thinking about work talking about it or actually working. When I spoke to him last he said he needed to find his happiness on his own we did everything together and now were not together hes trying to find his feet.

We were also best friends and we had a connection but in the last couple of months we lost our spark we were always arguing bitterly upset and stressed. But i just saw that as a phase we had to go through because of everything else going on. Another thing is i was really depressed and not myself but he never spoke to me when we were in the relationship. When we were together i always asked him if everything was ok and he said yes so i just kept doing what i did. But all of a sudden out of the blue hes let it build up soo much that he just exploded and is taking it out on me when I was always by his side asking him if everything was ok and whenever he said it wasnt we spoke about it and fixed it and were happier for it. But he didnt communicate and I was a bitch at times i admit it but how was I to know I was hurting him if he never said. I feel cheated that I wont get a chance to make things right with him because I love him soo much and i cant understand how someone can just fall out of love when a week before we broke up you were saying you have withdrawal symptoms if we dont speak everyday?

I am having trouble letting go because I know how good we were and also because this fool has given me false hope by saying I will always have a chance and maybe when things get settled so im involuntarily sitting here holding my breath. Also because I knwo this guy better than he knows him hes always said this. My instincts were right the first time to call him after he was shouting at me to talk to hime again he was just mad. And now I dont know for him to say he doesnt want to be with me but I will always have a chance I dont know if that is the anger talking or if he has just truly fallen out of love with me because of everything. Can someone just abruptly fall out of love, i know these feelings had been building up and hes felt better for letting them out but i dont know. he said to me he doesnt know in a couple of weeks he could feel differently.

When someone breaks up with someone shuldnt they be adamant they dont want to get back with that person now or ever? He isnt hes saying possibly in the future he would consider it , or maybe he was saying it to shut me up but thats not in his nature. I know hes confused and were at a time in our lives were were graduating getting jobs things are changing and things are uncertain and in one vein hes like i want to date women go out party have a ball. Fantastic its been a month hes been to one party, this party boy is not in his nature i know it he knows it but its like hes trying to experiment everything now. in another vein he wants to find his happiness and do him all hes done is work but he is slow maybe he needs time. and when we were together i never held him back if anything he went out more when we were together because I was always encouraging him to go out. But he threw it in my face on nye that when we first started going out he stopped going out because he wanted to see me coz i worked odd hours but since that time I have always encouraged him to go out when he told me.

I dont know i feel like i am losing my mind i am analsying and over analysing this situation. one morning im like hey its his loss ill move on and find something better. then the next hour i feel like i am fool for being such a bitch bringing my drama into our relationship and i have driven the man of my dreams away from me forver. then the next hour i am on false hope thinking all he needs is sometime and hell realize he loves me. then the next hour im like (were supposed to meet for a graduation dinner sometime in the future) if i time this well give him some space the next time we meet i can talk to him and make him see sense. then the next hour he hasnt called in a month so thats a sign that hes moving on and found some amazing glamazon.

I keep bouncing back and forth with what ifs and ideas and im trying to move on i go to work i go to uni i go to lectures i go out with friends i tell myself there are others out there. and i know i am never going to get a second chance with him but i keep praying every night because if it wasnt for me brining all my mess and stress and crying and shouting and anger and aggression constantly into this relationship he would be with me. i know he didnt communicate and tell me sooner how he was feeling but so we both played the part. and i am playing on his confusion for his lack of emotions i keep thinking if i give him time to calm down maybe his emotions will change coz when people are angry or as mad as he was. he has never shouted at me before their feelings may not be the same. i am trying to move on but i feel cheated that all this time whenever he messed up in the past i told him and we wokred through it the one time i mess up for little things that if we had addressed we could have worked through he breaks up with me. or maybe he just doesnt love me

April….am i crazy?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Please don’t post the same question under different names. I’ve already answered this question under a different name you’ve used.

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