[sad man]

Dear April,
My girlfriend couldn’t revive from her shock, even though she could forgive me and stayed with me. Please help us.
The background: (very long story made very short)… we (my love and I) have known each other for almost two decades. I’ve had feeling for her since then. After couple of years but before i got the courage to tell her my feelings for her, she moved away. Some five years ago we found each other again and after a year, I came to visit her. Couple of days later, we found ourselves in an unbelievable harmony and love. We made out for three weeks and we stopped. Reason: she was in a relationship, which she told me about even before I came to visit her. For I was madly in love with her, I couldn’t stand loosing her. In the following three years, regardless of my effort, all I could manage to be was a good friend. The more I tried to bring up the love part the more frequent and stronger became our disagreement. Except for the fight, I was faithful and honest to her. I became desperate, got in depression but couldn’t give up. Then last year she decided to tell me that she has a fiancé who’s living in Europe so the relationship was a serious one. That was very shocking for me. I couldn’t believe her, but her sister and mother confirmed it to me. I am left with no choice except giving up. I was so mad and so depressed. I needed someone to help me, someone to talk to about it. She was the only friend I have. But for this I needed someone else. Her elder sister, who was married and have a child, came forward to help me get over it. (By the way, I became good friend of the whole family of hers during the past three years.) I welcomed the offer. The sister and I began talking. She appeared to be understanding, so I opened up. I told her how much I love her sister and everything I could tell her about us hoping she may bring us back together. One day, we met to talk about it as usual but end up committing the sin. I couldn’t believe I did it myself that i hate by others. I told the sister what we did was a sin, and then I went to my girl and told her what I did (except with whom I did it – which was irrelevant at that time) and asked her for her kindest forgiveness, though I gave up on her. I felt so bad for i was not trustworthy.
Five months ago, she realized how madly I love her and came back to me. She was not sure what she should do about her fiancé since he simply stayed in Europe and she has been waiting for him already very long. Neither was I sure what I was supposed to do, but I was more than happy for she was back. The unsettled issue of the fiancé couldn’t give me peace, though. First I was not sure if I should tell her about her sister since I was not sure how our relation will end. But then since we are getting more serious about our relation, I decided to tell her. Unfortunately, that was too much for her. She almost killed herself.
The end: She has the heart, the understanding and the love to forgive me and stay with me. But she couldn’t revive from her shock. This hurt her so badly. I need desperately help to help my love to revive from this. Please help us.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Geez. You really blew it.

If you like a woman, spend years trying to get her to commit to you, and finally come close to winning her heart over, [i]having sex with her sister[/i] isn’t going to win you any points with her. It’s going to torpedo the relationship into smithereens. Of course she’s devastated. What you did was unforgivable. It was a disastrous lapse in judgment.

Her reaction is understandable and justified. Yours, however, is a little strange. She is not the one who needs help getting over the shock of your admitting you slept with her married sister. You are the one who needs to take some time off from dating any women, and think about what it really is you want in a relationship and how to successfully get it.

If you can’t refrain from having sex with a love interest’s family and friends, you’re never going to find healthy love — just drama.

My advice is to forget this woman — there’s no way she’ll ever trust you again, let alone forgive you. Take a dating sabbatical and regroup yourself. Think about why you slept with your intended’s sister and what you got out of it and why you needed what you got out of it. Therein lies your problem.

I’m sorry this isn’t what you want to hear, but I hope you’ll take it seriously. Let me know if I can help further.

[Member]

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