[Morphinelipsx]

My boyfriend of over a year and I were going strongly, even a few days before the break up. He said he had been thinking about it for a while and wanted to be single. He said he still loves me and I’m the best gf he ever had and he doesn’t want to date anyone else. He said he just needs to focus on himself and pretty much punish himself for doing so poorly in school. I made the huge mistake of telling him, “If I leave, I’m gone for good.” I guess he threw away all my stuff because of that and made a dating profile. When I confronted him about the profile he said it’s to boost his self-confidence and he’s not really interested in meeting anyone, and even if he did it wouldn’t be anything close to serious. I did the whole crazy person call/text all the time thing. He said he now thinks of the break up as a reward because he’s happy. I texted him yesterday that I had good news and he called me after class. We had a nice hour-long conversation and he seemed impressed/shocked that I’m going to start seeing a psychologist to get over my emotional issues. We talked for a while about school and I told him I wanted to start working out and he agreed eventually we might be able to work out together as friends but we still need time apart. I asked him if all hope is lost for us and he said, “that’s up to you because I’m not one to give up hope easily.” He also randomly told me that he kept some of the stuff i gave him and didnt delete pics from His computer. He felt guilty that he only had 5 pics of us on his facebook and hes sorry he never put more on there. What should I do? I still love him and want him back. We never argued and he said he could never think of a bad time with me. I think he thinks we just got too serious too fast. I’m trusting him for his reasoning about the dating site but I also told him to let me know if he meets anyone on there. (Truth be told, I really wish he’d just delete it and be alone for a while to focus on himself.) what should I do? Any hopes of getting him back? I still love the guy very much and supposedly he still loves me too

[AskApril Masini]

People don’t always say what they mean. Sometimes they say things to make their own lives easier. Whenever there is the slightest doubt about what someone says, I always say, Check the behavior! Behavior carries far greater weight than dialogue, so while he says he doesn’t want a girlfriend now so he can focus on his grades, the fact that he put up a dating profile on a website speaks volumes. I think he told you he ended the relationship to focus on grades because he felt that was a kinder excuse for you to accept than the fact that he’d just like to try dating other women, which clearly is upsetting to you. He doesn’t want to hurt you — but he doesn’t want to trap himself in a relationship he’s not interested in any more, either. 😳

That he’s now befriending you here and there doesn’t mean he’s going to stop his dating adventures. It’s just easier for him to be friends with you than accept your anger and upset.

As for winning him back, you’re doing what you need to do in starting to take care of yourself in ways you haven’t in the past. If you become a better version of yourself, and he’s still interested in you, he’d be crazy not to try and ask you out again. But if you become a better version of yourself and he doesn’t ask you out, it’s because he feels like he’s already dated you for a year and he’s just not interested in you. I know that’s harsh, but you have to understand that you’re not going to be everybody’s cup of tea nor are they going to be yours. Dating is a numbers game and you deserve to find a man who really wants to be with you — not someone you have to convince to date you.

Focus on yourself and let him go — if he’s attracted to you and wants to see you, he’ll call you. If you throw yourself at him, you’ll never give him that opportunity.

I hope that helps — let me know how things go!

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