[trappedsoul]

Hello Ms. April, Please excuse my English because I am not good at it.

I met this girl a few days ago (3-4 days) through an online video game. We have been talking with each other through chat and sometimes voice chat with Skype. My goal was really just to befriend her and play games together and not really enter into a serious relationship. I live in another country far away from her, She is 18 and im 27. I told her that I like her because she is very kind and she opened up to me and told me that she also liked me. We had some arguments later on because she wanted to have a very serious relationship with me but I told her that it’ll take years before I could even get out of my country and see her so I just want her to just try and find someone that she can be with but she took that as a rejection because she told me that when you love someone then you will do everything to get to him or her. She said that she will wait many years just to be with me because I was worth it but I didnt promise her anything.

I still like her because of her personality so we talked with each other again to try and fix the situation and I told her that I still like her, i asked her about her background and she never had loving parents that care for her or friends or other relatives that she can go to when she is depressed. She said that she is often depressed and taking anti depressant medicine and most of the time alone and unstable. The other day, she told me that she is thinking about suicide because things don’t go well for her every time. I told her to never give up which I couldn’t give a strong reason to back it up since I am not good at trying to encourage people. She told me that she didn’t do it because she was thinking about me and that she is desperate to be with me since I have a very caring personality which is true.

I am very afraid that if I tell her that I like her but I really just wanted to be friends with her and nothing more then she might do something drastic that I will regret for the rest of my life. She said that she wanted to save money so she can go to me as soon as possible. I believe that when I said that I like her that she took it like I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life.

Just recently, she showed me her pictures and she thought that I’m going to stop liking her because of how she looks and she got very upset. I told her that I still like her despite of her appearance which is true and so that she will stop being upset but after knowing her background I couldn’t say that I just really wanted to be friends.

Please help me.

[AskApril Masini]

This woman you’ve met on the internet is being manipulative and using a threat of suicide to make you stay in a relationship with her. 😳 That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take the threat seriously, but you also need to understand that she’s very young and doesn’t have a lot of experience in relationships. If she did, she’d understand that people love each other all the time, but it doesn’t mean that they’re compatible and should be a couple. In addition to which, her background seems to put her at risk for feeling needy when it comes to relationships, and she doesn’t have good role models for healthy relationships, which means she’s going to have to learn what they are, on her own. At age 18, she’s got a long road ahead of her and you’re one stop on that road. So here’s my advice: You need to understand that men and women can’t be friends. The reason is that one person always wants more than the other at different times. That’s what you’re experiencing now. So it’s best to disengage from this relationship. But because she’s pulled the “suicide” card, you have to be very careful. Call a suicide hotline and ask for professional help with her, and urge her to do the same. At the same time, don’t give her false hope. And don’t give yourself false hope that there is going to be a healthy friendship between the two of you. There isn’t.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go.

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[trappedsoul]

I finally told her through online chat that I didn’t want to enter a serious relationship and then she said to me “fine, then we’ll just be friends forever” then She didn’t reply after that anymore. I really believe that everything you said is true. There is no way for us becoming friends after what just happened. I am now going to be very clear and careful about things that I’m going to say in the future. I will try and update you if she has more things to say.

Thank you so much April Masini.

[AskApril Masini]

You’re very welcome, and I wish you luck! 😀

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[trappedsoul]

Although she doesn’t talk to me anymore, I know that she didn’t commit suicide when she didn’t reply to me yesterday because I just saw her talking to someone through chat on a live online video stream. I feel relieved knowing that she can continue moving on with her life without me. Thank you again April Masini for guiding me into the right path.

I just wish that it ended happily.

[AskApril Masini]

You’re very welcome. 😀

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